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You’re always being cultivated by something. The algorithm. The news cycle. Your workplace. Your phone. So the real question isn’t whether you’re being shaped. It’s who’s holding the shovel.
We discussed this question with Richard Kannwischer, senior pastor of Peachtree Presbyterian Church in Atlanta and author of the new book Cultivate: How God Grows the Fruit of the Spirit Within Us. He and his wife Kelly joined me for a conversation on the podcast this week and we talked about the rage of the age creeping into our homes, why the fruit of the Spirit is one fruit and not nine, and the simple daily practice Richard says will train real joy into a marriage faster than anything else.
The first thing we discussed was how we call the “fruits” of the Spirit, plural, like a basket you can pick and choose from. But that’s not what Paul wrote. “The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control” (Galatians 5:22-23). Richard put it this way: “Let’s get the clarification on the plural. It’s the fruit of the spirit. It’s one fruit.” You don’t get to say gentleness isn’t for you, or peace isn’t your thing. It’s one fruit, and we’re called to grow all of it, together, in partnership with God.
That word “grow” matters. Richard told me a story about a dog trainer who came to his house and, after watching his dog sit and stay on command, said something that stopped him cold: “Your dog knows tricks, but your dog isn’t trained.” Many of us know the outward appearance of the Christian life: going to church, showing up to small group, writing the check, without actually being trained in the fruit of the Spirit. Tricks are performance. Training is transformation.
That question extends straight into marriage. Richard shared: “What if marriage was designed to make us holy instead of happy?” Not that happiness is the enemy. But if holiness is the goal, then every hard season, every moment your spouse challenges your patience or your gentleness, becomes an invitation to grow rather than a problem to escape.
Richard gave a practical place to begin. He learned it from Dallas Willard: read one Psalm a day, Psalm 145 through 150, on repeat for a month, and watch what happens to your joy. Not circumstantial joy. The kind that holds up “even in the worst circumstances in Scripture.”
If you’re wondering who’s holding the shovel in your family right now, this episode is for you. Listen to the full conversation with Richard and Kelly Kannwischer, and grab a copy of Cultivate to keep training in the fruit of the Spirit long after the episode ends.
Episode Summary
Episode Outline:
Host: Aaron Smith (Marriage After God)
Guest: Richard Kannwischer, senior pastor of Peachtree Presbyterian Church and author of Cultivate: How God Grows the Fruit of the Spirit Within Us, joined by his wife Kelly
Focus:
Why the fruit of the Spirit is one fruit, not nine to pick and choose from, and the daily practice that trains real joy into a marriage
Introduction
Aaron opens with the question that frames the whole conversation: you’re always being cultivated by something, so who’s holding the shovel? Richard and Kelly introduce themselves, how they met in graduate school at Princeton, and 27 years of marriage and ministry together, including Wonderfully Made Ministry, the day program Kelly leads for adults with intellectual disabilities.
Key Themes
One fruit, not nine
- Why “fruits of the Spirit” is a common misread of Galatians 5 — it’s singular, one fruit, not a basket to pick and choose from.
- What that means for growth: you don’t get to opt out of gentleness or patience because they’re not “your thing.”
Holy instead of happy
- The question that reframes marriage: what if it was designed to make us holy, not happy?
- Why this doesn’t dismiss happiness, but changes what a hard season is for.
Tricks vs. training
- The difference between performing the Christian life and actually being formed by it — and how that shows up in marriage.
Training real joy
- The one-month Psalms practice Richard learned from Dallas Willard: reading Psalm 145-150 daily on repeat.
- Why this builds joy that holds up regardless of circumstances, not joy that depends on them.
Gentleness in the age of outrage
- Why gentleness is the fruit Richard feels most convicted about right now.
- The “rage of the age” and what it’s quietly training all of us, including our kids, toward.
- What it looks like to grow in patience the way God has been patient with us.
Key Takeaways
- The fruit of the Spirit is one fruit — growth isn’t selective.
- Marriage is meant to make you holy, not just happy.
- Knowing the right moves isn’t the same as being trained. Formation takes repetition.
- Real joy is trained, often through small daily practices, not just felt in good circumstances.
- Gentleness is worth examining right now, in a culture that’s training us toward outrage.
Notable Quotes (from Richard)
- “Let’s get the clarification on the plural. It’s the fruit of the spirit. It’s one fruit.”
- “Your dog knows tricks, but your dog isn’t trained.”
- “What if marriage was designed to make us holy instead of happy?”
Resources Mentioned
- Cultivate: How God Grows the Fruit of the Spirit Within Us by Richard Kannwischer
- richardkannwischer.com — free study guide PDF
- wonderfullymadecommunity.org — Wonderfully Made Ministry
- Marriage After God devotionals and resources
Next Steps
- Ask which fruit of the Spirit you’ve been quietly opting out of, and why.
- Try the one-month Psalms practice: read Psalm 145-150 daily and notice what happens to your joy.
- Notice where you’re running on tricks instead of training in your walk with God or your marriage.
- Talk with your spouse about where gentleness has been missing from your hardest conversations lately.
