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In this week’s podcast episode — the finale of our 30-week devotional series — we talked about what it actually means to have a marriage after God. Not a perfect marriage. Not a marriage that has it all figured out. But a marriage that has surrendered.
We shared a story that changed us. Early in our marriage, we were struggling — really struggling. There were seasons where we didn’t know if we were going to make it. We were trying on our own strength, asking God to help but mostly just grinding. Then one Sunday morning, we drove to church in a cold, quiet car. We sat in our seats, and while the sermon went on around us, Aaron put his face in his hands and prayed. And God responded — not with an audible voice, but with a scripture brought to remembrance.
Matthew 26. Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane. Hours before the cross, Jesus fell on his face and prayed, “My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will.”
God used that moment to speak to Aaron: If my Son could yield for his bride — knowing the cost, knowing she would fail him — can you yield for yours?
That changed something. Not because the circumstances of our marriage changed in that instant, but because the posture of our hearts did. Aaron then made a promise. Not a promise of perfection. A promise to love like Christ — unconditionally, sacrificially, regardless of what came back.
That is where transformation begins. Not in the fixing of all the broken things, but in the surrender. Jesus didn’t wait for us to become worthy before going to the cross. “While we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8). He chose the cup. He drank it. And in doing so, he made a way for us to come to him — and through him, to each other.
So much of what we want in marriage is good. We want to be loved well. We want to be known. We want things to be resolved. But when those desires become the measuring stick for whether God is working, we miss the deeper thing he’s doing. He’s inviting us into the same posture his Son modeled in the garden: not my will, but yours.
That surrender — surrendering your expectations, your bitterness, your timeline, your version of how things should go — is not defeat. It is the beginning of real transformation. It’s where hopeless marriages find hope. It’s where two people stop fighting each other and start fighting for each other.
A marriage after God isn’t about having a testimony that looks impressive. It’s about having a marriage that tells the truth — about struggle, about grace, about what Christ can do when two people finally let go.
Episode Outline
Host: Aaron & Jennifer Smith Focus: Series finale — what it means to be a marriage after God; personal transformation as the foundation of marital transformation
Introduction
- Series wrap: 30-week devotional series based on Husband After God and Wife After God
- Books are a companion resource (not required to follow the series)
- Encouragement to subscribe ahead of fall episodes; invite listeners to send topic suggestions via Instagram
- Theme of the finale: transformation and becoming a marriage after God
Key Themes
Transformation Starts With the Individual
- Personal surrender to Christ is the starting point — not fixing the marriage first
- The more each spouse is transformed individually, the more the marriage is transformed
- Investing in the Word, prayer, and godly community accelerates that process
The Garden of Gethsemane Story
- Aaron and Jen share their pivotal early-marriage moment — hopelessness, a cold car ride, sitting in church barely present
- God brings Matthew 26:36–44 to Aaron’s mind during the service
- Key text: “Not as I will, but as you will”
- God’s question to Aaron: If my Son yielded for his bride, can you yield for yours?
- Aaron goes to Jen, apologizes, holds her face, makes a promise to love her like Christ
- Jen’s response: not that everything was fixed, but that she could trust him because he was trusting God
Not My Will, But Yours
- Jesus’ surrender in Gethsemane as the model for sacrificial love in marriage
- He didn’t wait for us to be worthy — “while we were still sinners, Christ died for us”
- Surrendering unmet expectations, bitterness, and personal timelines
- Sanctification is not a one-time event — it’s a lifelong pursuit
The Birth of Their Ministry
- After this moment, Aaron and Jen began investing more intentionally in their marriage
- Jennifer started Unveiled Wife to share the journey, not to teach from a place of having it figured out
- Aaron started Husband Revolution for the same reason
- Both merged into the Marriage After God platform
- Transparency in community dissipates the power of darkness; confession brings things into the light
What a Marriage After God Actually Looks Like
- Not perfection — perseverance, reconciliation, patience, hopefulness
- The message your marriage proclaims matters more than whether it looks polished
- Paul: “Follow me as I follow Christ” — not perfection, but imitable pursuit
- Quote from Marriage After God: “A marriage after God is one that others can imitate.”
Key Takeaways
- Surrender is where transformation begins — not circumstances changing, but posture changing
- Your marriage tells a message; make sure it’s telling the truth about grace
- Community and transparency are tools God uses to grow marriages
- Friends who lead you away from biblical truth are not safe for your marriage
- Open your eyes and ask God to show you where He’s trying to grow you — He will
Notable Quotes
- “Not my will, but yours.” — Matthew 26:39
- “While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” — Romans 5:8
- “All of our marriages are proclaiming a message — the question is, what message are we showing the world?”
- “It’s not about perfection, but about progress.”
- “A marriage after God is one that others can imitate.”
Resources Mentioned
- Husband After God by Aaron Smith
- Wife After God by Jennifer Smith
- Marriage After God by Aaron & Jennifer Smith
- Marriage After God Instagram — for topic suggestions for future episodes
Next Steps / Call to Action
- Write a love letter to your spouse — reflect on what you’ve endured together, what you see in them, and where you believe God is taking your marriage
- Share this series with another couple who would be encouraged by it
- Subscribe so you don’t miss upcoming fall episodes
- Send topic suggestions via the Marriage After God Instagram
