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Many of the conversations on this podcast have discussed why couples feel stuck, and oftentimes the time the answer people give is the same: we just can’t communicate. We don’t talk the way we used to. We’ve grown distant. If we could just get better at communicating, everything would be different.
Dr. Genee Francis has heard that many times. She is a licensed therapist and the Assistant Director of Content and Programming for Winshape Marriage who has worked with couples since 2008. She is well versed in couples feeling like they cannot communicate.
“You really have an intimacy problem,” she said. “Spiritual intimacy is lacking, emotional intimacy is lacking, recreational intimacy is lacking. It’s full scale.”
When couples are not talking, many times it is not really about talking. It’s about connection — and the absence of it. The words don’t come because the closeness isn’t there. You can’t fix a communication problem that isn’t actually a communication problem.
Genee shared a lot in our conversation, including some deeply personal stories from her own 18-year marriage. Within their first five years, she and her husband Rashad were navigating his father’s terminal illness, a two-year estate battle, and the birth of their first child — all at the same time. She said what carried them through was prayer. Not just prayer as a practice, but prayer as a window.
“Our prayer life is what gave me eyes into what he was feeling and thinking,” she said. “Outside of that, I would have been confused, or on the wrong track.”
We have talked about this on the podcast before — how praying out loud together gives you access to your spouse’s heart in a way that regular conversation doesn’t always reach. You hear things in prayer that you might never hear otherwise. When you’re not praying together, you’re missing something irreplaceable.
Genee also talked about the power of simply naming what’s happening. She said so many couples feel disconnected but never actually say it to each other — never look at their spouse and say, “I feel disconnected from you.” We carry it around, we manage around it, we get more and more distant. But when we say it out loud, it becomes something we can actually work on.
The Word of God has always known that confession is powerful — bringing something from the dark into the light changes it.
If your marriage feels like you’re speaking different languages, or like you’re living together but not really together, we’d encourage you to start not with communication skills but with connection. Pray together. Name what you’re feeling. Seek out other couples who can walk alongside you.
The disconnection you feel is real. But it doesn’t have to be permanent.
Episode Outline
Host: Aaron Smith
Guest: Dr. Genee Francis Focus: Why couples feel disconnected, why it’s not really a communication problem, and how intimacy — spiritual, emotional, and recreational — is the real root issue
Introduction
- Aaron introduces Dr. Genee Francis as a licensed therapist and Assistant Director of Content and Programming for Winshape Marriage
- Notes her connection to the Winshape family — a previous guest, Steven Moore, was also part of the ministry
- Genee shares her background: raised in Wichita, Kansas, University of Oklahoma, career in higher education before becoming a licensed therapist in 2008
- Brief overview of her current role at Winshape Marriage and the marriage ministry she and her husband Rashad lead together
Key Themes
Background & Call to Counseling
- Grandmother spoke a gift of discernment over Genee at age eight or nine — a word that stayed with her for decades
- Grew up in a divorced home, but watched her grandparents sustain a 70+ year marriage — both pictures shaped her curiosity
- That curiosity about what makes marriages survive became the foundation of her career
Covenant Commitment as the Foundation
- What separates marriages that survive isn’t the absence of hard times — it’s a commitment first to God, then to the covenant
- All marriages are broken; the question is whether a couple will press through the hard moments or stop there
- Choosing commitment beyond how you feel in any given moment is the deciding factor
First Sticky Season: Grief, Legal Battle, New Baby
- Within their first five years, Genee and Rashad navigated her father-in-law’s terminal illness and death, a two-year estate battle, and the birth of their first child — all at the same time
- Grief was delayed by unresolved legal conflict, which added unique and compounding weight to the season
- They sought outside counseling and leaned into a serious shared prayer life to navigate it
Prayer as a Window Into Your Spouse
- When Rashad couldn’t find words for his grief, their shared prayer life gave Genee visibility into what he was actually feeling and thinking
- Aaron connects this to his own marriage — praying together out loud reveals what conversation alone can’t always reach
- Prayer together is not just a spiritual discipline; it is an intimacy practice
Second Sticky Season: Hip Replacement
- After two pregnancies, Genee learned she needed a full hip replacement — a significant loss for someone who had jogged five days a week her entire adult life
- Required both her and Rashad to adapt, grieve, and support one another through recovery and long-term adjustment
Nine Years of Couples’ Bible Study
- Genee and Rashad joined a couples’ Bible study within their first year of marriage and stayed for nine years
- When they relocated from Texas to Georgia, they lost that community immediately — and felt the absence deeply
- That loss became part of the motivation for starting their own marriage ministry and events
- Aaron shares that a marriage Bible study was similarly transformative for him and Jennifer
Common Patterns Genee Sees in Marriages Today
- Disconnection and loneliness — couples who feel alone together but have never named it out loud
- Infertility — a rising theme at Winshape retreats, linked in part to couples marrying later in life
- Absence of authentic community — many couples mistake acquaintances or surface-level church relationships for true fellowship
It’s Not a Communication Problem — It’s an Intimacy Problem
- The central reframe of the episode: when couples say they can’t communicate, the real issue is intimacy — spiritual, emotional, and recreational
- Until the actual problem is named, it can’t be addressed
- Practical first step: look at your spouse and say, “I feel disconnected from you”
The Power of Naming Things
- Confession — bringing something hidden into the open — is the first and most underused step toward change
- You cannot work on what you will not name; denial and projection keep couples stuck
- Naming disconnection removes its power and creates a shared starting point
Outward Focus as a Path to Connection
- Many couples approach community selfishly — waiting to be pursued rather than pursuing
- Sometimes what feeds your spouse in a community setting indirectly feeds your marriage, even when it doesn’t speak directly to you
- Asking “how can we serve?” rather than “what are we getting out of this?” reframes the pursuit of community entirely
Positive Trends
- Divorce rates are slowly declining — people are staying married at higher rates even as they marry later
- Marriage content is trending on social media; there is genuine cultural hunger to invest in marriage
- Genee expresses cautious optimism while noting some of the messaging still needs biblical grounding
Key Takeaways
- What looks like a communication problem is almost always an intimacy problem — name it correctly before trying to fix it
- Praying out loud together is one of the most underused tools for emotional connection in marriage
- Naming disconnection — confession — is the necessary first step before anything else can change
- Nine years in a couples’ Bible study shaped Genee’s marriage in ways that are still bearing fruit; community is not optional
- Couples who feel alone in their struggles are not alone — shared community normalizes the hard seasons
- Marriage is trending in a hopeful direction; there is reason for encouragement
Notable Quotes
- “Our prayer life is what gave me eyes into what he was feeling and thinking. Outside of that, I would have been confused, or on the wrong track.” — Dr. Genee Francis
- “You really got an intimacy problem. Spiritual intimacy is lacking, emotional intimacy is lacking, recreational intimacy is lacking. It’s full scale.” — Dr. Genee Francis
- “I don’t know how many couples feel it, live it, experience it — but never say to one another, ‘I feel disconnected from you.’ Naming it is powerful as a first step.” — Dr. Genee Francis
- “It’s not about having a communication problem. It’s about having an intimacy problem.” — Aaron Smith
Resources Mentioned
- Winshape Foundation
- Winshape Marriage retreats — North Georgia, 27,000-acre retreat location, all-inclusive, all stages of marriage
Next Steps / Call to Action
- Pray together out loud with your spouse this week — let them hear your heart before God
- Name one area where you feel disconnected and say it to your spouse directly
- Look into Winshape Marriage retreats at winshape.org
- Share this episode with a couple you know who feels stuck or distant
