The One Word That Comes To Mind When I Think About Respect In Marriage

Lately, when I do something that frustrates my husband I keep responding to him with the same phrase,

Can you just give me a little grace?

I  desperately want my husband to love me and be ok with me.  When I know I have hurt him or have done something to stir up strife between us, I desire reconciliation.  I am not perfect and I never will be.  There are times that I mess up and hurt my husband and there will be more times in the future.  However, I don’t want my shortcomings to ruin our relationship.  The one thing I am confident will restore us is grace.

A little room to mess up… another chance to show my love… an opportunity to wipe the slate clean again.

Just like Jesus has done for us.

The unfortunate part about this little story is my realization that no matter how many times I fail at being a wife and desire grace, I neglect to give my husband grace when the messing up is on his end.  Grace is not on my mind then.

What is?

This isn’t fair… you hurt me… you need to hurt like I hurt… how could you… I am so angry…

You… Don’t… Deserve…

Wait a minute!  How can I judge what my husband does or does not deserve? If Jesus judged me like that, I definitely would NOT be deserving… yet He extends grace anyways.

The negative thoughts I listed above lead to body language, actions, and words that are disrespectful.  The eye rolling, the yelling, the serious tone accompanying furrowed brows, slamming things to make a point, turning away from him, flaming arrows of intentional sarcasm and so so so much more.  I admit to being manipulative and disrespectful to my husband, in those moments I neglect to give a little grace.

During the conversation on Day 2 of the Wife After God Online Study, we talked about respect in marriage.  I admit I have moments in marriage I try to justify withholding respect, holding onto control and posing as a judge who for some reason is always adamantly right.  Fear, inability to trust, insecurity, unmet expectations – even when those expectations are not communicated, a need for control, past experiences… a few of the catalysts that lead me to disrespect.

I was confronted in the conversation today as the Holy Spirit pressed on my heart the importance of respect in marriage.  I am not perfect and neither is my husband.  But we still have needs, of both love and respect.  Without those needs being fulfilled our marriage simply will not thrive.


So if you ask me,

What is one word that comes to mind when I think of respect in marriage?

Now I will say it is grace.

And I pray that my heart is transformed so that as a wife I extend grace, regardless, because that is what Jesus has done for me.

If you would like to join the Online event you can do that by clicking HERE! It will end January 30th 2014.

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