How Facebook Almost Destroyed My Marriage

Facebook is just one of the many social media sites that has given us a new way to communicate with others.  It is used to keep up with trending topics in others lives in a quick and creative way.  Unfortunately, sin and temptation lead some people beyond appropriate relationship boundaries using these social media sites as a means of intimate communication with people outside of their marriage.  Guest blogger Dawn wanted to share with you how Facebook was used to hurt and damage her marriage.  Let this be a warning to you to be careful how you use Facebook and other social sites.  Talk to your husband about boundaries and keep each other accountable to the exclusivity of intimacy in your marriage.

I love Facebook! I have up to date pictures from my cousins mission trip to Guatemala, baby pictures within the hour of birth, prayer requests,my former students talk to me about what college their attending and so much more fun stuff. I love all that fun communication!

I hate Facebook. I hate when someone writes something distasteful, or posts pictures that are not appropriate, I hate the gossip or bashing of people, but most of all I hate what it did to my marriage.

A few months back my husband came home from work and told me about how he had asked the wife of an old high school buddy if her husband had email(on Facebook). The wife soon told him they were divorced, but it didn’t end there. She went on about how she was sexually abused and abused by him and then she remarried someone else and he sexually abused her daughter. My husband told me all of this conversation.  I told my husband to be careful because she was giving too much intimate information and she could be trying to suck him into her life.

My husband, feeling very secure in our loving wonderful marriage of 12 years said I was right and he would be careful.

Well, unknown to me the conversations kept going and going.  My husband says he thought he was helping her by listening. She just kept sucking him in by heaping on the personal information.  After awhile I started having this strange feeling that something wasn’t right. I had my husband’s password to his account (because we trust each other and wanted to be accountable) on Facebook. So about 11:30am during the weekday(with a strong feeling), I logged on his account and looked at his messages.  What I didn’t realize was he was chatting with her right then! I stopped breathing for a second, I felt my whole world spin out of control.

This is what I read.
“I’m sorry you’re hurting” my husband we will call him Jack (not his real name)
“I hurt all the time, people have said they love me but they don’t really.” the woman I will call her Sue (not her real name)
“I love you” Jack
“I wish I was with you, I have been hurt so much” Sue
“I just want to hold you in my arms and carry you close to me” Jack “You are my everything. I want to make everything alright for you.”
“I wish I could hear your voice right now and feel your arms” Sue
“I’m singing to you right now. “You are my sunshine my only sunshine you make me happy when skies are blue you never know dear how much I love you…” Jack

This is where I called him and told he was a cheat and yelled at him. I called him a cheat, a liar and I don’t know what else. I was so angry and devastated. I was still in front of the computer and as I was talking to him he wrote to her…
“I got to go somehow my wife found our conversations I deleted. I will talk later. Love you.” Jack
Sue wrote, “Uh oh, you’re in trouble now.”

I wondered what was in the deleted conversations?

He told me he was coming home. I had twenty minutes to think. I started packing. My stuff and my two kids stuff. I was shaking and crying. I thought our marriage was so good. We love God, we love each other we love our kids. We go on dates, we talk to each other, we share, we hold hands, we do things for each other. How could this be? I warned him! How could he do this to God, me, to us, to our kids?

He came home and we talked and talked (Ok, I yelled some and I am not a yeller). He said he thought he could help her feel better without getting involved and until he heard my voice he didn’t really get it. I said “How could you be so stupid? She played you and I warned you.”  He said he thought he was strong enough to handle it. That he was a strong enough Christian to help her. He thought because he loved me so much he couldn’t get sucked in. He could just be a friend and help her.

I asked him if he really loved her? He said, “No, he just wanted her to know somebody cared.” “He loved her like a friend.” I told him “No one should tell anyone but their spouse those things.” He said, he was sorry and I was right.

My husband was sick to his stomach, scared, shaking. He was so afraid he lost everything. He begged, pleaded, and most of all he learned a huge lesson.

No one is strong enough!

He learned his lesson and today our marriage is healing. It hurts and I still wonder about what I can’t control, but God helps me daily. We are all vulnerable to the world and to sin.

This woman needed help, but not help from my husband. I messaged her on his account and told her that she needed help but not from anybody’s husband. I went on to tell her to find a counselor and a good church and seek God for He is the only one that could help her.  She never responded back and that was ok. I needed to tell her.  I wasn’t mean, but I was firm. I forgive her and my husband, but it will take along time to trust and to heal.

We have been doing the “Love Dare” challenge and other marriage devotionals. We are doing well, and I believe we are stronger because of this. My husband says he has learned he can’t fix problems for other women or discuss personal things with other females.
He closed his Facebook account and we share one now, but he doesn’t really get on it. I try very hard to just let him know I forgive him. Jesus forgives us without bringing it up over and over again and that is how we are to forgive. Just forgive, no strings. I am not saying that I don’t get worried sometimes or that I forgot, but I ask for Gods help and He gives it. Then I go on every day.

One of the worst things is that my husband’s family believes and tells him he did nothing wrong. They are very worldly and even though they say they believe in God, I have never seen anything but worldly behavior in them. My husband is hurt by them because he feels they don’t understand. He is also in some ways, championed by them and that is a struggle for him. They don’t like me much. They let it be known they believe I am too conservative and that hurts, but we keep going. I know God loves me and we are doing the right thing by him.

So my love/hate relationship with Facebook will continue for now. We will see what happens. I still love the updates, the prayers and the pictures, but I sure could do without some of the other stuff.

– Dawn

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