Marriage is hard. Although a husband and wife love each other, there are conflicts that arise and offenses that hurt. Without apology and forgiveness, marriages would not be happy nor thriving.
What happens when your spouse does not want to apologize?
What happens when you don’t want to forgive?
I want to encourage you today. Apologizing and forgiving are not always easy to initiate and follow through with…but doing so will heal the brokenness in your heart and your relationship.
The Word of God says,
Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. – Colossians 3:12-13
Forgive?! But how many times do I forgive my husband when he keeps doing wrong against me, when he won’t apologize, when he refuses to humble himself, when he keeps apologizing for the same thing but nothing changes?
Peter asked a similar question to Jesus…
Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven. – Matthew 18:21-22
Jesus says forgive. And more than that, Jesus’ example of going to the cross for us shows that He does not wait for an apology! He surrendered Himself, His life, for all, regardless of whether or not they were or ever will be sorry.
So, should you forgive your husband, even if he is not sorry?
I think so.
Will it be easy?
Will it set you free from the bondage of bitterness from being hurt and offended and help you be able to embrace your relationship with your husband in faith that the two of you will grow together as one?
I think so!
The definition of forgive includes:
- to stop feeling angry or resentful toward someone for an offense, flaw, or mistake.
- to cancel a debt.
- to stop feeling anger toward someone who has done something wrong.
- to stop blaming someone.
- to pardon.
- to cease to feel resentment against an offender.
I want to make this definition more personal to you as a wife. To forgive means:
- to stop feeling angry or resentful toward your husband for an offense, flaw, or mistake.
- to cancel a debt against your husband.
- to stop feeling anger toward your husband who has done something wrong.
- to stop blaming your husband.
- to pardon your husband.
- to cease to feel resentment against your husband.
Forgive is an action word. It requires you to not just say “I forgive you” although those are powerful words that should be said…it also requires you to stop being one way (angry or resentful) and exchange those feelings for positive ones, healing ones.
Also, don’t forget about this verse in the Bible. I think it is important to consider when you are considering whether or not to forgive your husband:
But if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. – Matthew 6:15