Does It Hurt Your Marriage To Go To Bed Angry?

I jumped online to chat with the Unveiled Wife Facebook community, inviting people to say hi or ask a question. I was hoping for a little chat.

As more people began to hop on and share their hearts, I saw a reoccurring question:

Does it hurt your marriage to go to bed angry?

When I read that question I immediately started to remember all of the many arguments that left my husband and me angry toward one another. My husband is the type to want to work things out as soon as possible. If one of us is upset, everything comes to halt until its worked out.

This use to make me cringe. I have always hid my feelings…in not so subtle ways. I would be obviously angry, but I would do everything I could to avoid the confrontation of it. I didn’t know how to address conflict in my marriage.

The first few years of marriage were painful. We struggled to communicate clearly with each other. We spent many nights in turmoil over meaningless and sometimes very serious matters.

Now I appreciate my husband’s willingness to reconcile and work through our disagreements or frustrations. We are better now, but still learning. We are learning how to best communicate when emotions are intense. We are learning how to navigate and confront conflict in accordance to scripture. We are learning that both of our points of views are significant and we must have humble hearts toward each other.

Do we still get angry? …Yup!

Do we go to bed angry? …Not so much anymore!

One verse that always comes to the surface of my heart is Ephesians 4:26-27

In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.”

God gave us a wide range of emotions. Being mad is an emotion we feel and its okay to feel angry. Emotions add to the experience of our relationships and allow us to feel deeply. Yet, God says don’t sin in your anger.

I take this as…its okay to feel angry, but don’t do or say something that could hurt another out of anger. I think not letting the sun go down on anger is wise because sleep is vital for healthy living. Have you ever tried to sleep while anger stewed? It’s miserable! And then there is the warning about the enemy. If we do not resolve our anger the enemy will use it against us, against our marriage, and as a way to destroy whatever he can through those intense emotions. 

It’s okay to feel angry. But don’t let it fester!

Confront it, communicate through it, resolve it.

Does it hurt your marriage to go to bed angry?

I’d say yes it does. Anger can hinder intimacy and hinder sleep.

One wife also added to that question…

Sometimes you just can’t help it but to be mad.

I understand where she is coming from. I have felt at times that it seems uncontrollable. However, we can help it. We must not believe the lie that anger just happens to us and that we have no control with it. We can decide to stew in it and let it trigger bitterness and wrath or we can bring it to God in prayer and talk about it with our spouse. We have a choice.

Please don’t go to bed angry with your spouse. Confront it, communicate through it, resolve it.

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