You’re married. You adore your husband. You want a baby, but he isn’t ready yet—or maybe you’re having trouble conceiving. You’re surrounded by pregnant mamas and beautiful babies. Everywhere you go, it’s a constant reminder of just how much you want to have a baby. And every time someone asks you “so when are you going to have kids?” it’s like salt in the wound.
Are you dealing with baby fever?
Before my husband and I got married, we decided we’d wait at least two or three years to have children. We decided that we wanted him to be finished with school, so that he could be more involved and so that we would be financially stable enough for me to stay home with our child. We also wanted some time together, just the two of us. I was completely content with this choice and so excited to be married.
However, once our friends that got married after us started getting pregnant before us, envy set in. Then I found out that I have Polycystic ovary syndrome and would most-likely have trouble getting pregnant. I decided I wanted a baby and I wanted a baby badly. I cried to my husband, and tried to change his mind about waiting two years. For the most part, he stood firm in our initial choice, but said we should pray about it for a few weeks and then come back and make a decision.
I prayed about it every day for a few weeks. I started to feel a peace about waiting. Then I read this passage in my devotional one day:
“As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete.” —John 15:9-11
Joy is a choice
Joy—what a wonderful thing. I started to study joy and what it meant biblically. I had always thought that joy and happiness were basically the same thing.
1 Thessalonians 5:16 says, “Rejoice always.” Translated back to the Greek, Paul uses the word “joy” as an action. Rejoicing means choosing the action of joy. Joy in this sense means communicating a positive human condition that can be either a feeling or an action. However, joy is not something that is caused by earthly possessions or circumstances. It’s a choice. And Paul did not stutter—when he said always, he meant always. We are to choose joy each and every day, no matter the situation.
What a powerful thought: my joy is only complete when I rest in the Lord and choose to praise Him.
I had begun to make being pregnant my ultimate goal, and had convinced myself that I couldn’t be happy until I was a mom. I watched how happy all of the other mamas looked, and longed to have what they had. I thought that in order to be joyful, I had to feel happy and perfectly fulfilled. I was envious of other moms, and I was worried I would never be able to have children.
God began tugging at my heart—and all of that waiting caused me to draw nearer to Him. This phase of waiting and trusting has been difficult, and I still have a bit of waiting ahead of me. However, I’m so thankful that I’m being forced to find my joy in the Lord until it’s His timing to have a baby—whenever that may be. If I try to base joy on the circumstances of this earth, of getting what I want, I’ll only be let down. When I decide to choose joy even when God’s plans are different from what I want, I’ll find a deeper sense of peace and contentment in my marriage, day-to-day life, and yes, even the timing of having a baby.
If you’re going through a period of waiting, trial, or confusion, I urge you—choose joy!