It was late. Darkness surrounded us except the spots of contrast scattered in the sky from glowing stars and the moon that played peek-a-boo behind semi-translucent clouds. I offered to drive home while my husband rode shotgun and our kids dozed off to sleep in their carseats.
As I pulled out onto a major street, the windshield began to fog up. My normal response is to immediately get flustered that my visibility of the road is diminishing, and ask my husband to “turn the thingy on that gets rid of the stuff on the window. Hurry!”
But this time was different.
The windshield clouded up quickly and I didn’t hesitate to reach down and turn the defroster on myself. My mind was clear, my focus sharp, my heart full of confidence. When did that happen?
I admit driving can be an intimidating thing to do, especially if multitasking is necessary. There is great risk involved and I’m pretty much aware of every kind of scenario that could play out while driving. Fear does that to me.
Right after I cleared the windshield up, my husband was interested in striking up a conversation and asked,
What are you thinking about?”
I chuckled a little bit. Then responded…
Usually I rush you to rescue me when the windshield fogs up, like I am too scared to take my eyes off the road, even though the fog makes it hard to see. I point at the dash and say, “can you turn the thingy on?” But this time I just did it. I was thinking about how much I have grown lately. I am more confident now then I ever have been. Confident in my ability to know things and in my ability to do things. I know it is called a defroster and I know how to use it. I wasn’t flustered having to do it, and I just like that. I like that I am growing. I know it sounds silly, but I was wondering if I should write a blog about this little situation and use it to encourage some other women out there.”
“That’s not silly at all,” he replied, “I think you should.”
So here I am, sharing this with you. I want you to know that this may have been a quick thought that popped into my mind when it happened, but it really did have an impact on me. In this moment, I recognized my growth as a woman and becoming a confident woman. I recognized the confidence I have now, compared to early adulthood. It also sparked something in my heart to keep my eyes open to other areas I am more confident in…here are a few:
- Spending time intentionally teaching my children
- Conversing, teaching, and encouraging other women
- Initiating physical intimacy with my husband
- Sharing my heart with others
- Sharing my faith with others
- Cooking home meals (If you read my book you know how bad I was at this!)
- I have more confidence overall in my marriage relationship and our future together
- Birthing and raising up children
I don’t know if confidence grows over time, through experiences, as an answer to prayer…or I would guess it is probably all of the above. What I do know is that it feels really good to look back over my life and see the proof that I have gained confidence in many areas over the last decade. And it feels really good.
So often I think we get hung up on our lack of confidence in the right now. We get frustrated with ourselves or sometimes we get mad at God. We want more, we want abilities, and knowledge, and growth…but do we take time to acknowledge what we have acquired up to now?
The greatest thing I have learned through all of this is that God is the source of my confidence. He equips me to do all that I do and He is the One that inspires my soul. He is my confidence, and the more I grow closer to Him, the more confidence grows in my heart. And it feels really good.