Servant Leader & Perfect Companion

Marriage After God Podcast – (00:00)
do we think that we’re greater than Jesus as husbands? Of course we know the answer is no. Jesus is the greatest. We’re not perfect. He’s perfect. But he’s also our perfect example. And so if he, the teacher, he, the master, this is what he’s telling his disciples, wash their feet.

lowered himself and became a servant to them, then how much more should we as husbands, should we as Christians, because this message isn’t just for husbands, this is for all Christians, how much more should we be like Christ and follow that example

Welcome back to another episode of the Marriage After God podcast. We’re your host, I’m Jennifer. I’m Aaron. And this week we are on week three of our 30 week marriage devotional series. So we’ve shared with you guys, we are going through husband after God and wife after God, a devotional set that we wrote. And we’re very excited about this and we’re jumping into week three, which the topics, ⁓ I’m gonna share about the topics in just a minute, but it’s servant leader and perfect companion. ⁓

As we go in this series, because we’re jumping from both books, the topics often align perfectly. And then every once in a while, they share different, yeah, they share a little bit of different content, especially in that the Bible does speak to the husband’s roles in the marriage and the wife’s roles a little bit differently. So that’s why the topics today are a little bit different. But very simply put, we believe that God granted man

the role of leading and the wife being the helper. So that’s like very basic, simply put. ⁓ You can’t have two people leading. We see this even in business. It’s always stacked when you have the leader at the top and then others who defer to them just to avoid chaos. And our God is a God of order. And this is the way that he’s designed marriage. So we’re very excited to jump into today’s topic and cover the man’s

calling to be a servant leader in marriage and the wife’s calling to be a helper and someone who cultivates companionship. Awesome. Before we get started, we want to, as usual, invite you to hit that like button, subscribe to our show, wherever you like to watch it or listen. That way you don’t miss any of these episodes that we’re going to be posting. We’re on the third chapter, the third week of this series, and we have 27 more to go. So yeah, subscribe.

If you haven’t left us a review, we also love those reviews. They help the algorithms know about our podcast and help other people find out about what we’re about. So sharing those testimonies is just hugely valuable, not only to the community, but also to us because we love reading them. So please do that. And also, I just want to show them the devotionals. These are the devotionals that we are doing this series off of. Husband After God, Wife After God, 30-day devotionals.

We decided to go through those. So if you haven’t got a copy of those books yet, go to shop.marriageaftergod.com and check out your copies so you can go through them with us. If you don’t want to get them on our store, you can get them on Amazon. Either way, it blesses us and it blesses you. So go check those out. So let’s get into the topic for today. Yes. And again, just to avoid any confusion, in the previous two episodes, Aaron and I kind of shift back and forth over the content. But because today is very specific to his and her roles in the marriage,

⁓ You’re going to hear a lot from Erin in the beginning and then we’ll transition to me. So just wanted to give that heads up. So we’re going to start from content from Husband After God. And what I love about it, and here’s the tie in, is it begins with this very intimate encounter of companionship. And so we’ll start there. Yeah. So again, for the husbands, we’re talking about our role as leader in the home, spiritual leader, head of our homes. This is very clearly

written out in scripture. And like you said before, we believe in the order that God created, the design that God gave. We think it’s the best because we like what God has made and we want to follow that. we get to, as we learn in Ephesians, to learn to love our wives as Christ loves the church. And so we’re going to look at an example of Christ to know how we as men, as husbands, should be loving and leading in our homes. And so I’m going to go to start. We’re going to start with scripture as usual.

We’re going to start in John 13 starting in verse 3 and I’m going jump a little bit in this text just to give you the main point of it. So Jesus is in the upper room. He’s about to die on the cross the next day and this is what happens. says, Jesus knowing that the Father had given him all things into his hands and that he had come from God and was going back to God, rose from supper. He laid aside his outer garments and taking a towel, tied it around his waist. Then he poured water into a basin and began to wash the disciples’ feet.

and to wipe them with a towel that was wrapped around him. Then moving to verse 12, when he had washed their feet and put on his outer garments and resumed his place, he said to them, Do you understand what I have done to you? You call me teacher and Lord, and you are right, for so I am. If I then your Lord and teacher have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet. For I have given you an example that you also should do just as I have done to you. Truly, truly, I say to you, a servant is not greater than his master.

nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. If you know these things, blessed are you if you do them.” This is God’s desire for Jesus is that he was going to wash his disciples’ feet to give them an example. Something I got to ask us as men, do we think that we’re greater than Jesus as husbands? Of course we know the answer is no. Jesus is the greatest. We’re not perfect. He’s perfect. But he’s also our perfect example. And so if he, the teacher, he, the master, this is what he’s telling his disciples, wash their feet.

lowered himself and became a servant to them, then how much more should we as husbands, should we as Christians, because this message isn’t just for husbands, this is for all Christians, how much more should we be like Christ and follow that example and say, okay, if Jesus is to be a servant, then I need to be a servant. And this is the example that we get throughout scripture with leaders is servant leadership is a leader leading the way by example, not by orders, not by force, not by saying, you do this, it doesn’t matter what I do, but you’re going to do this, this, and this. Now we follow Christ’s example where he

He walked first where he desired his disciples to walk. He did first what he desired his disciples to do and then led them along that way. So Jesus is our teacher. He’s our master. We are his students and his messengers, not just in this world to the loss and the dying, but first and foremost to our wives and to our kids. That’s our main role in our home is to be ⁓ the students of the master in our home and lead in

So we’re not greater than him and so we got to act like he acts, lead like he leads. So the correlation here in ⁓ marriage is that God’s entrusted us, our wives and our children. And us as men, we’re called to lead her like Christ leads the church. That’s the exact example that we’re given in Scripture and the exact mandate that we’re given, the command we’re given that Christ didn’t put himself above the church, that he actually came.

Though he was king, though he was master, though he was creator, came to his own people, died the death they deserve, laid himself down, was obedient even unto death ⁓ and so lowered himself, showing to us the ultimate example of what a real king does, what a real leader does. ⁓ I mean in Scripture, he’s a husband to the bride which is the church and that’s how he’s leading her by first doing what he’s calling the church to do because we are called to do that. I was just thinking about that. The church is called to take up their own –

us and to follow him. So he took the cross first, walked up Golgotha and then asks us to do the same. And so he went first where he expects us to follow. And that’s what we get to look at. We get to look at Christ’s life as men and we don’t get to just make up our own version of what leadership is or what we saw in life and how we saw our fathers lead or how we saw other leaders lead, but we get to look at the best leader, the one that we’re called to follow, which is Jesus, and say, OK, how did he love his church?

How did he love us? How did he lead us? And Christ desires us to do the same. We follow Christ, we submit to Christ. We do what God has called us to do in our marriages, just like Christ did what God called him to do in this world. And so the question I got for all of us, husbands, men, are we doing this for our wives? Am I doing this for you? Maybe not always. You do. You do. But I try. You’ve definitely grown over the years, Are we lowering ourselves to become servants

to our homes in the way we lead. Matthew 23, 11 says, but he that is the greatest among you shall be your servant. We get this command again from Jesus. He’s like, you want to be the greatest in your home? You want to be the greatest in this world and the kingdom of God? Then you got to be the servant of all. You got to lower yourself and not demand to be served, not demand to get your way, not demand to have, you know, all your ambitions met and everything you need met, but that you show the way. This is God’s design. It’s God’s will that

If we desire to be great in our homes, we must be the greatest servants. We serve our children, we serve our wives. And so this is what we’re building up as men to understand as the leaders in our home. That it’s not, just get to make the rules, I just get to get what I want all the time. I get to sit here and do nothing and everyone’s going to serve me. That’s not the leadership that we’re shown in Christ. It’s a stark contrast actually.

actually went. His feet moved forward. He went into the crowds first. He initiated. He did. He touched the blind man and the sick person and the one with leprosy. And he did all of these things, showing his disciples who were fearful, who didn’t know what to do. And they’re like, what do we do? And then he does it. And he’s like, we should do that. So that’s all really powerful and awesome. ⁓ What are some practical ways that husbands can be doing this for their wives? There’s lots. I’m going to point out a few.

⁓ There’s always going to be struggle, strife. There’s going to be little arguments and issues because we’re both humans and we have differing opinions and our flesh gets in the way. So you can lead by initiating reconciliation by being the starter saying, hey, we’re on the same team. I know we’re frustrated. We got elevated. Let’s bring it down. Let’s pray. You initiate that reconciliation so that you’re not

causing more of a divide, but you’re actually bringing together, being the first to forgive, saying, hey, I know you’d mean that. I know that I was this way, but I just want to say I forgive you. I love you. That’s leading. Inviting your bride to spend time with you in the Word and in worship, getting in the Word together. You asked me the other night, you’re like, hey, can we get in the Word more? And I was like, yeah. And then we just opened up Jeremiah, which is where you’re at. And we started reading together. And that’s something you can do is you can lead that in your wife, invite her.

to get in the Word of God with you. Go through these devotionals with her. Say, hey, I got devotionals for us. I can’t imagine any wife saying, you got me a devotional. I don’t want to go through them. Really? Let’s do this. On that note, family Bible time. You’ve been a huge initiator in this for our family that ⁓ one of our morning goals is to spend time in the Word together with our children and you lead that. And it’s been a very fruitful thing in our marriage and in our family. Yeah. Leading your home.

And family worship, family Bible time is a huge thing that we’re called to do as men, that we’re the pastors of our homes. We’re the Christ-like figure in our homes. We’re trying to show people to God and that’s what we’re supposed to be doing. So those are some practicals. There’s a lot more, of course. But being the initiator of these things, showing by example, our homes, our marriages, our families. And we say this all the time in our book, Marriage After God, the whole theme of this whole podcast, the theme of our ministry is that our homes, our marriages, our families are microcosms of God’s love story.

And what that means is we’re a tiny little picture, we’re supposed to be a tiny little picture, an example, a representation of God’s kingdom displayed in the union of man and woman coming together to become a new family. And so in that picture, the role of the husband is to operate in such a way that we reflect the image of Christ. I hope at a very one in the world, as a husband, the thing you show up is that your wife first and foremost would be able to say, my husband was like Christ.

Doesn’t matter. Like to be honest, actually, I should say this. It does matter. But if no one else in the world ever saw that, but your wife said, oh, my husband was like Christ to me, was like Christ in our home. He followed him and obeyed God and was obedient and kept himself in the spirit. That’s a huge. That’s the biggest accomplishment you can ever have is that you have been a Christ like person in your home. Now that’s going to happen outside the home if you’re doing it in the home. So that’s what a beautiful response to that.

a wife can ⁓ see her husband like chasing after God like that and want to follow him but also be drawn to want to follow God because of him. Like just the influence that we have in each other’s lives, it’s just really powerful. isn’t that the ultimate thing is that where I’m leading is closer to God, is toward his will, not my own ambitions. Now my ambitions might be aligned with what God wants but that should be the heart like our hearts are aligning with his and we’re like what does God want?

How does he want us to operate? Where does he want us to go? And that’s where I’m leading my family. So at the end of the day, you are closer to God. We had a good example. Just recently we had a fun birthday party that a friend threw. the wife, it was the birthday for the husband and the wife secretly, she didn’t tell any of the people coming. I think you might have known. you might have knew. But while we were there, we were about to play a game and she’s like, oh, by the way, we’re about to get private.

this, country swing dancing lessons. And everyone was like, what? Anyways, it was actually a lot of fun. We all went outside and this awesome – this young couple that are very good at swing dancing, they were teaching us a bunch of moves. But one thing that stood out and all of us Christian couples were listening to how they’re describing this and he says, okay, first thing you got to realize is there’s going to be one lead and one follow. There’s not going to be two leads and not going to be two follows. It won’t work if you do that.

And we’re like, just like in marriage, you’re supposed to have one leader and one follower. But what was beautiful is the way he taught us how to dance was the lead didn’t just yank the follow around, which I actually did a bunch of times because I don’t know how to dance. It was more so the lead was to first move the direction he wanted his follow like a cue to go. So I would first move out, you know, to the left or whatever.

And that would let you know that was a cue like, I want you to go that way. And so instead of yanking across, it was more like I just guided you across. It was much more gentle and fluid and smooth. And so we were thinking about this episode and I thought about that. The dance lessons that we were getting, I was like, this is a perfect analogy for marriage. The way we lead is we first take the step in the direction we want our wife and our family to go. And then they see that cue and they’re like,

Now it’s time to follow. And then you guide them across gently. And so it is a servant-leaderhood where you’re leading by example. You’re showing the direction you want your wife to go, your family to go. And so that’s what it means to lead. I like that picture. Yeah, it was a great picture. Good metaphor. So it’s a great picture. The most powerful thing any husband can do for his home is to lead by example like Christ did. Is to obey the Father like Christ did.

to serve and love like Christ did, to keep in step with the Holy Spirit as Christ did, to show our homes the love of the Father as Christ did, to sacrifice ourselves for the betterment and health and strength of our wife and children like Christ does for the Church. And then we lead our wife and children to the Father as Christ did for the whole world. That’s our mission as men, as husbands, is to guide. Like we’re not responsible for their salvation, but we have a major role in walking them.

in walking our family closer and closer to God every day. And that should be the deepest thing in our hearts and minds. ⁓ going back to the analogy of what Jesus was doing, he physically washed the feet of the disciples. We’ll use it allegorically. It’s caring for her emotional needs, her mental needs, her spiritual state, helping her in times of weakness, carrying her burdens and reminding her that she’s not alone, being there by her side when life is messy, always pointing her back to the Word of God.

As you’re explaining it all that way, I’m like, yes, yes, we want that. Yeah. Well, and how many how many times as men we have the same issue or we forget sometimes our beliefs waver, we get fear and scared and we need to be reminded of the truth where you’re going to talk about this, where the helper comes in. You know, we can do this for our wives. We can point them back to the truth. They may even know the truth. They may be in the word of God all the time, but sometimes they just need you to be.

be like, hey, remember what God said. Let’s hold on to that. And then watching you hold on to it is a huge, huge…they see that you believe what you’re saying. Here some scriptures that the Bible gives us. They’re specific on how a husband is to lead his wife. 1 Peter 3, 7 says, Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they’re heirs with you of the grace of life. You’re my heir, not my servant, not my underling. You’re my heir.

You’re an heir with me of the grace of life because you’re a believer too. And in Colossians 3.19 it says, husbands love your wives and do not be harsh with them. Of course, this is what’s interesting about these two commands. Now that I think about it, I would imagine this is probably the very two things that most husbands struggle with. Like we’re not necessarily gentle creatures. like, let’s figure out the problem. Let’s figure out the solution. Let’s…

Move past the emotions and let’s get to the answers. Right. That’s not very gentle. I just needed a hug. And then also, men, how many times have you ever said, I just don’t understand. Or least thought it. Or thought it. Yeah, it’s probably more so thought. But yeah, these are the two things I think we struggle with the most is gentleness, which requires patience and kindness, and then understanding, which requires listening and holding and

patience and all the things. So both these commands I’ve failed in many times. But you’ve also grown in like tremendously over the years. I just want to remind the men that this isn’t about a pursuit of perfection, it’s about a pursuit in general. That we have our eyes on Christ and say, how are we moving towards you? I will say this because you use the word failure and I think that word resonates with everybody because we all know we all fail. But as we’ve pursued Christ and the Word of God,

and these verses specifically stand out to us, ⁓ the Holy Spirit brings it to remembrance in those moments of failure so that we can know the way to go and we can be reminded, hey, this is what we’re after and this is what we need to remind each other of. Excuse me. ⁓ I want to read one more scripture before we move on to your section. It’s in Philippians 2. It highlights the amazing example that we had in Christ where he could have been

you know, taking all of this authority and power and use it a different way. He instead hummels himself. says Philippians 2 verse 1, So if there’s any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interest, but also to the interest of others.

So this scripture, it’s using the example of Christ’s humility and leadership in the way he operated.

the way he yielded himself to the Father. As an example for us as Christians, and for us as husbands to take as well, of how we should also have this same mind, this same way of being. This isn’t saying that Jesus isn’t equal with God. It’s saying that while he was here, didn’t seek that position. Instead, he lowered himself, even to obedience to death on a cross. And so, men, are we taking up our cross for our homes? Are we taking up our cross for our wives?

That’s a question we should ask ourselves.

So.

Jesus is our example, how we should lead. That was awesome. That was great. So, ⁓ leading into the women, you know, being ⁓ considerate of our calling and our role in the marriage. ⁓ Really quick before we get there, this is part of it, but the question we want to ask is what should a wife’s response be to her husband as he leads her and the family? And how does her response play into fulfilling her role in the relationship? And so a few words that I thought of that ⁓

would answer this is to be supportive as he leads to communicate well and respectfully to be encouraging because our men need encouragement, especially in a lot of encouragement. mean, this is a big banner that they’re lifting up to lead our family in this way. There was a small story I wanted to share of our son. He’s 12 and we were reading The Hobbit together. And in the beginning, when it’s sharing about the characters,

Uh, we got to Gandalf and, um, in it, in this, um, literature survey that we were doing, it was talking about, um, how Gandalf sees the potential in people. And my son kind of had this thought that he shared with me and he said, well, more so he sees the potential he wants to see in others. And he speaks to that quality. Yeah. up someone. And so instead of saying what is he saying, what could be and what he desires to see.

which if you guys know the story, there’s Bilbo Baggins who ⁓ Gandalf speaks very highly of and says all these wonderful things about who if you ask Bilbo, he’s probably like, that doesn’t really add up. He doesn’t believe that in himself. ⁓ But Gandalf saw and then throughout the adventurous story, he becomes that and he actually believes it too. And so I just wanted to share that because I think it’s so interesting how as wives, we have the opportunity to see the potential in our husbands.

And we know what that potential can be because we see the Word of God and we see Christ example and we go, he can be like that and we can speak to that and we can encourage them in those. if a husband struggles with like honesty or gentleness or like emotional things, like caring, like maybe saying like, gosh, I love it when you’re caring or you’re so caring for me, things that he might not even recognize. And they’re like, it happens very little, but. Or in the moment that he does show those.

those things that you really affirm it. You highlight it, you it. Kind of like when our kids, you know, are having a moment and you remind them, hey, you are kind. Like you have to speak those truths to them and remind them who they are. You are kind. You can be kind to your siblings. We need that as husbands too. Yeah, I know. Wives need it too, We do. Another word that, ⁓ another response that we as wives can have is to be submissive, especially in them leading.

like you were talking about the dance, you can’t have two leads because I’ll tell you what happened when, ⁓ whenever Aaron got to it, because we’re new at dancing like this. ⁓ Aaron would get to a point where, ⁓ I thought maybe he forgot the move or didn’t know what was next. And so I would kind of like move for him and then I would. Crash into him or bump into each other. Or I’d be holding his finger so tightly that I would.

I’m trying to spin you and it’s like my hand twists. It didn’t work. It didn’t work to have two people leading. so it’s just, it’s important that we mentioned that, you know, part of the wife’s calling and role is to be a submissive wife. And we’re going to talk more about that in the coming weeks, but it needed to be said here. And, you know, I just want to remind everyone, I think we said this earlier, but our God is a God of order. He’s not a God of chaos. And so

It’s such a beautiful thing to see the design of marriage, which we talked about last week, play out in our roles and how we fulfill our roles in marriage. And ⁓ a big part of our role, something that we’re identified with right away is that we’re a helper. We’re a helper to our husband’s lead. We can come alongside them and choose to be supportive, choose to be ⁓ good encouragers, good helpers, all of these things. And so… ⁓

I just wanted to say like specifically about submission too. It’s not about being passive. It’s not about letting them do their thing and you just got to go along with it. It’s such an active role. It’s such an active part of who we are as wives to come alongside them. And when there’s a different perspective or opinion, we can have that dialogue and we should be creating husbands and wives should be creating an atmosphere where we are heard and both sides are heard and both sides are respected. And ⁓

You know, you guys are, are working together as a team. And my metaphor that I thought about, which I think. Lends to what we’re talking about is, you know, when you’re playing baseball and there’s people in the outfield going to catch a fly ball and nobody calls, I got it. So you guys just crash into each other or the balls. I remember doing that in little league. there’s frustration. Yeah. It’s a learning curve. Everyone’s running for the same ball. But if there is a good communicator who says, I got it. And the other falls back.

then your chances, your probability of catching the ball and winning the points and all the things is higher. Winning is higher. And that’s what we want in marriage, right? We want to win. So we got to work together on the team to ⁓ act in our role and to benefit each other by.

Operating on our roles. Yeah, and communicating well in that. Pursuing the same goals, the same direction. Yeah, and on that note, if a ball isn’t caught, so if the husband’s leading and maybe misleads, know, maybe makes is going to happen. This is a real thing. Every husband knows. Makes a decision that actually hinders the family or makes it harder.

That’s not an opportunity to say, you should have let me get it or something negative like that. It’s an opportunity actually to again, see the potential in them and say, you can do it next time. It’s okay. And I would say to all of these opportunities for the husband and the wife are moments of submission to the Holy Spirit. Like, that I made a choice and it doesn’t seem like it was a good one. The wife gets to submit to the Lord and say, okay, Lord, help my husband.

make the right decision, help us in this situation. The husband gets to say, Lord, I made a mistake, help me figure this out. And that’s what we should always be doing is it’s not that I’m responsible for everything, that we have to trust the Lord. And it’s not that you’re responsible to fix it, we have to trust the Lord. And allow the Holy Spirit to grow us and change us and convict us when we make mistakes and bad choices. But trusting the Holy Spirit with your spouse is a massive…

responsibility that each one of us has and we have to submit to. We have to say, we’re going to trust the Holy Spirit with my wife and her growth and maturity and you’re going to trust the Holy Spirit with me. He’s much better at fixing us and changing us than we are our spouses anyway. ⁓ An aspect of submission that I wanted to share is that just like, you know, husbands in having that servant leadership role and having Christ as the example, Christ is our example too.

And he came and he yielded himself to the Father and to the Father’s will. And so ⁓ when you’re navigating your role and your calling in marriage, just remember that Christ-room before you and he was able to do it and he’s the one that empowers us to do it. And he submitted himself even to like death on a cross. Yeah, with the joy set before him it says. With the joy set before. I do want to make a note. I think it’s funny that you brought up a sports analogy and I brought up a dancing analogy.

Okay, so I mentioned earlier that being a helper is something that we’re identified with right away in our role on calling as a wife. From the very beginning when Eve came along and God created woman. So in Genesis 2, 18, says, the Lord God said, it is not good that man should be alone. I will make him a helper fit for him. So this is the perfect helper, the perfect companion that God created and

like perfectly designed, perfect gift for me. I’m but I’m saying that the idea of a helper, the perfect helper for man, yes, is woman. Yeah, I agree. Like what a perfect, mean, it’s what God said. Two awkward puzzle pieces coming together to fit in unity. But they fit. It’s amazing. And a big encouragement, Aaron, and show of trust for us has been when I’m able, you already brought this up, I asked you to read the scriptures with me, but

When I have like a biblical question and I can come to you and you explain scripture or your point of view, what you believe to be true, it is encouraging to me. And it also reminds you like, hey, I to know my stuff. Right? It kind of like level both of us me again to level up and say, I need to step up into this thing that she’s looking for in me. She desires spiritual leadership. She desires me to walk with her in these things. It’s huge.

When our responses to our husbands are encouraging, are supportive, are submissive, not self-serving or combative, it contributes to forward momentum in the marriage instead of like what I’m sure everyone can ⁓ understand the opposite to that is the tension or even like strife, all the negative things. So when both spouses are walking humbly and choosing to live out their callings in marriage,

The result is the gift of companionship. That gift is cultivated, feeling close to each other, mutually supported, comforted, and fulfilled as you’re spending quality time together. And so, as you follow Christ and you choose to fulfill your role and I follow Christ and I choose to fulfill my role, there’s this really beautiful thing that takes place and it’s intimacy and companionship. And God built that into marriage, which is really cool. I just thought of this.

I’m sure there’s a lot of marriages that are listening right now that might be feeling like this. ⁓ The roommate feeling, like, we’re just existing together. There were seasons that we’ve been through this. This is the opposite of that. This is actually the cure to that. The reason we might be in, often we’re in that roommate, is because both of us are in our own places. We’re in our own different directions. We’re leading our own lives and neither of us are walking in the roles that God’s given us.

Which that’s what a roommate is. They’ve got their own life. You’ve got yours and you just share a space. But that’s not what God’s called us to. He hasn’t called us just share a space. He’s called us to union, oneness, companionship. We walk with each other, the same direction, with the same purpose, with the same goal. And we get to have the amazing beauty of marriage is that we get to have each other to do that. And so walking these roles out is the cure to that.

roommate feeling, getting back to true companionship. So I just wanted to bring that up. You jump back in. in chapter three of Wife After God, we mention that there’s this need for companionship in marriage, a need that exists at the core of every human heart. And when God created man and women, He created this gift. And it began with God setting the example as He walked with Adam and Eve in the garden, spending quality time with them.

Part of companionship is establishing trust in a relationship. So as God spends time with them, they begin to trust, ⁓ all of them trust each other. ⁓ And God pursues each one of us like that. He pursues companionship with us. And although it’s not spending time in the garden, ⁓ it is in the way that he invites us to read his word, to worship, to… ⁓ Communion. communion. have fellowship with others.

⁓ And through the experience of prayer, these are all ways that God invites us to develop trust with Him. And the Lord knows us and He desires us to know Him. So the goal is quality time spent well together. God loves us so much and makes Himself available to us. The question is, how do we respond to Him? Companionship with God is a choice because of free will, the same way it is in marriage. Like you said, are you being roommates because you both are kind of

doing your own thing or are you guys going to cultivate this oneness that we’ve been talking about and cultivate unity and as the Bible calls us to abide friendship. Are we walking with Christ in our relationship? So companionship emerged with the relationship between God and man yet God gave man the opportunity to experience this wonderful gift with his counterpart and I just wanted to read a quote from Wife After God and it says,

You were created for companionship and there was an extraordinary moment that took place when you stepped into a covenantal bond of companionship, choosing to love your spouse and declaring it with your vows. You said yes to standing side by side, to enjoying life together, enduring storms, comforting each other and making yourselves known to each other through intimate conversations and experiences. You said yes. So to have a thriving marriage, you must be willing to protect and cultivate companionship with your spouse.

By pursuing each other to commune with and communicate with to trust each other and to rely on each other. I was going to share a little, ⁓ confession, a little telling on myself that, ⁓ I had a very twisted view of companionship when I entered marriage. I couldn’t wait to be married, but that was because I felt very insecure and never wanted to be alone. ⁓ that wasn’t the only reason that I wanted to get married, but I.

I was scared of being alone and I knew like deep down inside that I just, really desired to be married because of that. ⁓ I wanted that built in friendship, but that didn’t serve you, that served me, right? And that need that I had. Yeah, earlier on, it was very one sided in the perspective is I’m here for you. Yeah. And the part that I was missing was that I wasn’t investing into the part of the relationship where God spoke to me and said, you need to be

You need to be serving your husband. You need to be doing the things on your part. Instead, I was relying on you to kind of fulfill all the parts for us. Did you feel like I was meant to be your helper? Yeah, in a lot of ways. Like I can even just think of a simple way of ⁓ if I needed prayer for something, instead of praying and cultivating my relationship with God in that way, I would go to you and say, hey, will you pray for me? Which isn’t a bad thing at all. I’m just kind of revisiting.

back to when I felt this way. And I remember just so many areas of my life waiting on you, wanting you to fix everything and say the right thing and do the right thing. And ⁓ I put all this pressure on you or maybe it’s more like I elevated you even above God. And so it was just, it was a, I just put it as it’s a twisted view of companionship because it was very one-sided. It wasn’t until I started learning my role and calling as a wife and what that looked like.

for me to serve you and to really come alongside you and help you and ⁓ see you as the leader that you are and ⁓ see us as ⁓ one that I really understood just the power of our marriage, the purpose of our marriage and this gift of companionship. And you’ve grown a lot in that and it’s been awesome to see over the years. And it’s something that we’re both

Like we still go through seasons like this times in our flesh that we don’t want like we want to I don’t want to lead. You don’t want to be submissive. We want to fall out of those roles. And I feel like it’s actually a it’s a common story in a lot of marriages where the wife wants her husband to be this to be ⁓ her helper and the husband would be totally fine with her leading and saying well you just make the decisions what you you decide what church will want to go to you decide you know.

I’ll be over here, you teach the kids and I won’t have anything to do with that. Which again, it’s not wrong that the wife wants to teach the kids the Bible. That’s a beautiful thing. But to not want to be the leader and to just kind of defer to your wife is and for the wife to just say, you’re here to be my helper. It’s backwards. It’s opposite. And it’s it’s not how God designed it. So like you’re saying, the moment we recognize that and we

change trajectory and we’re like, okay, I’m going to try and for people doing it for the first time, it’s probably going to feel painful. And there’s probably going to be some strife there because it’s like ⁓ trying to pull the bandaid off. it’s good and it’s necessary. So God was getting a hold of my heart and really showing me, you know, the parts that I was missing in marriage and why it was contributing to strife in our marriage.

⁓ there was this moment where you had been gone for a couple of weeks in Brazil. You were on a mission trip with an organization we were working with. I was, ⁓ I had stayed back cause I was working and so I was just like caught up in my thoughts and in my time with God and really growing with him. And I fought back on and read the story of Jesus washing the disciples feet and how he says, you will be blessed if you do this. And I was like, there’s my example. I’m missing this.

And more specifically, it was this picture of me serving my husband. And so I made a commitment that as soon as you got back, which ended up being super early in the morning, think it was really early or five AM. And I don’t even know if I said hi, but I rushed you into the bathroom and said, I need to wash your feet. It was really funny. And I need a shower bad too, because I was going for like two weeks on the Amazon and I was, my feet were dirty. But I think that there was a lot of healing and reconciliation just in that moment without a lot of things being said.

just showing with my actions that I did want to serve you and love you and… It was a beautiful example to me and it felt uncomfortable because it was so out of the ordinary but it also was very intimate and it like, wow, this is really cool. So I remember that. Very cool. I think I’ll always remember that. I was going to say a marriage verse, Bible verse that is often used for marriage.

is Ecclesiastes 4, 9 through 12. And I think it really speaks to this idea of companionship when we’re both operating in our roles. Two are better than one because they have a good reward for their toil. if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up. Again, if two lie together, they keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him. A threefold cord is not quickly broken.

Something that when you were reading that I thought about for the first time because there’s people that are alone, right? And I wouldn’t say that just because they’re not married that woe to them. I think there’s something being said. think often we look at the description, we think like, okay, there’s you and your spouse. That’s the two walking and then the third is God and he’s the one that makes you the threefold. I think it’s different. think it’s woe to the man who doesn’t walk with God.

Because when he falls, he does not have a Savior to lift him up. He does not have a Holy Spirit to pull him out. I think that the two that walk together should be me and God and you and God. And then the third is your spouse. So that’s such a powerful perspective because it really shows you the importance of an individual relationship with God. Even though the two of you are married, like it’s so important that you’re

following God and obeying his word and what it says to you as a husband and same for me as a wife. Well, and this is also this is hope for that wife whose husband isn’t following Christ. Like does that mean she doesn’t get to be – you know, have a person that she’s walking with? No, she has a savior that she walks with first and foremost. That’s so good. And then he’s praying for that third cord to be added into her – like that she has her spouse with her. So vice versa also, husbands who have an unbelieving wife.

But when we read that, was just thinking, I think the two is you and Christ. The third is your spouse, which is the ultimate goal. Okay, so choosing to be a submissive wife fulfills our calling to be a helper and it allows us to cultivate companionship in marriage. When we’re operating in the ways that God has called us to do, such a beautiful thing transpires because

you’re chasing after him, I’m chasing after him, and then we come together and it’s like, we want nothing more than what he wants for us. And so we’re ready, we’re there to receive it all. And, uh, that’s the goal. I just wanted to share some practical ways that we can be this type of wife. We can respectfully communicate no matter what we’re going through. Uh, no matter what opinions, thoughts or perspectives we’re dealing with, we can, we can communicate in a way that makes him still feel like he’s able to lead.

and support him in that. ⁓ We can support him. We can tell him that we trust him. How does it make you feel when I verbally express to you, I trust you? It’s powerful. It’s huge. Especially if you were to tell other people, like, I trust my husband. What he says is I’m excited for it. think it’s going to be good. That’s a huge – it also puts a huge weight on me. like, I’m better.

make sure this works. She trusts me. Another one is pray. We need to be praying for ourselves, our own hearts and our minds. We need to be praying for our spouse. We need to be praying for our families. ⁓ And even when we are wrestling, wrestling with, don’t actually trust him right now, but I want to pray and ask God to help you with that. ⁓ He’s faithful and he will hear you and he will answer you. ⁓ And then like I mentioned before, like how I’ve

gone to you for spiritual advice, spiritual guidance, going through scripture together or asking random spiritual questions. You can go to your husband. You can go and ask him. I just want to inspire the wives listening. I know we’ve mentioned this in various ways in the past, but one way you can encourage your husband to become the spiritual leader if he’s not currently is go to him with your spiritual questions. Even if you think to yourself, he’s not going to know this or he’s not in the Word of God, that’s okay.

go to him and honestly, hey, what do you think? I read this today. What do you think about that? The first 10 times, I remember like, I don’t know. What do you think? But eventually he’s going to think, wow, she really wants to know what I think. And I bet you he’ll open the Bible and find out. It’ll be like, what do I think about that? It’s a powerful thing. And it’s a refining. Like that verse in Proverbs where it says, iron sharpens iron, because that dialogue is where that refining comes from. Oh, yeah.

Um, okay. So then there’s also practical ways to cultivate companionship in marriage. Um, carving out quality time is so important, whether it’s scheduling that date night or going for a walk after dinner. Um, but there’s so many opportunities throughout our day. Pursuing a hobby together, doing something that you both enjoy doing hikes, bike rides. We love bike rides as a family. It’s like a special Jennifer loves, um, and this is one of the other things, put the interest about this. Jennifer loves walking in our gardens.

And so going out and walking in the garden. I love it when you ask me, hey, do want to go look in the garden and see if anything new popped up? That’s like, that’s so nice. I also do enjoy it myself. Just on the daily, guys, we’ve got to be interacting with interest, not just rolling from one thing to the next and being on autopilot, but really, really looking for ways that you can cultivate that friendship and ⁓ enjoy each other’s company. Yeah.

Okay, so we have a quote. We’ve been doing a quote from our book, Marriage After God, ⁓ in all of our episodes. This one is from Marriage After God, of course. says, God designs you and your spouse to be ambassadors of holy love to a hurting world. Rather than inwardly focused perspective, defining so many love stories commonly expressed as you and me against the world, God desires you to embrace the rich and meaningful mission of you and me for the

Consider the impact that your love for each other and your love for God could make on the rest of the world. Your love story, your unique marriage has a great purpose to serve. I love that. And I think it really gives perspective to ⁓ when you’re operating in what God has called you to do and I’m operating in what God’s called me as a wife to do. When we come together is so powerful. And not only are we able to serve each other in our marriage, but we’re able to serve others in a really

awesome capacity because our sights are on God’s bigger picture for what He’s doing, not just what we want or what’s right in front of us, but we’re able to look beyond. That’s awesome. So here’s some questions. Again, we pull these questions from the devotionals, but we’re going to say some of them and answer them. So what do you think was going through the disciples’ minds when Jesus was washing their feet? ⁓ Well, we get the response from one, which is like, no, no, no.

Not me, not my But I think that if I were to put myself in one of their positions, I would just be wrecked with feeling undeserved and emotional just by the physical touch of Jesus bending down and doing something like that for me. I think that they were probably all wondering, how is this real? How am I a part of all of this? I think also really confused.

all believed he was the Messiah. They believed he was about to be king. They weren’t really realizing he was about to be crucified, but he’s now washing their feet like a servant would do. ⁓ so I’d say confusion. What’s going on? Curious, maybe. What can you foresee happening when ⁓ you lead your family like Christ? And when I say you, you men can think about this question? ⁓ Well, I think on one level, if

this is a husband listening and it’s their first time trying to lead and they’re like, okay, I’m gonna try this. Maybe some ⁓ apprehension, maybe some ⁓ headbutting because you’re trying to do something new, you’re trying to now guide your spouse along a new path. But ultimately, ⁓ more peace, more joy, more excitement.

more fun, I think. would say more confidence. Probably it’s kind of like that whatever you practice, you get better at. Like the more you do it, the more confident you’ll be at doing it. In what ways do you see God pursuing companionship with you? Well, we kind of already mentioned some of those ways, but ⁓ I mean, just that urge to be in His word every morning. I like to do it first thing because I feel like it is the most important thing, but I know you could do it at any time of the day.

I think yeah, just that feeling in the inside of like I’m His and then I’m forgiven. Him reminding me of those truths is always reminds me like, like she actually loves me. I think sometimes seeing our kids come up with these wild questions about faith and who God is and ⁓ just them experiencing what faith is and seeing how God created the world and all these wonders.

That always inspires me and draws me back to kind of my childlike faith and when I first met God. And I think that ⁓ those are also ways that he’s showing companionship with me and wanting to be close with me. Like, I don’t know. I like that. Should we do the call to action?

But – OK. So call to action. This is our little – they’re from the devotionals but it’s a little challenge for you this week. Spend time with your spouse doing something they would prefer to do. This is that whole putting the interest of others above your own. Like I said, you like walking in the garden. Like find something that your spouse – like what would they love to do and go to them and say, hey, maybe this might be a little like tension because you both do it.

Pick different days to do the other person thing. But yeah, spend time with your spouse doing something they would prefer to do. That’s your challenge for the week. So, all right, we’re going to end. We always end with prayer. And so, why don’t you pray with us? Father God, thank you so much for your word and that you have given us an example in Jesus Christ on how as husbands, as Christians, we are to walk and love and lead. And I pray, Lord, that as husbands, we would lead our wives in a Christ-like way, that we would follow his example, that we would lead.

by example ourselves. Like that dancing analogy I shared earlier, God, that we would first take the steps in the direction we desire our wife to go, our family to go, and then gently guide them with us. Help us do that. Teach us how to be that kind of leader in our home, one that is ⁓ Christ-like. And Father, I pray for wives that are listening and my own wife, God, that you would put a desire in their hearts, a passion to build companionship that they would seek.

to be honorable to you and respectful to their husbands and learn what a godly, submissive heart looks like in the home. And I pray that as husbands and wives walk these things out, Father God, that they would see the powerful fruit that comes from it, God, that you would bless them in so many ways and that you would bring so much joy and comfort and peace and trust and power in their marriage and their home, God. And that these marriages that are going through this devotional with us, would become powerful tools.

in your kingdom, Lord, just moving your kingdom forward and bringing many people to salvation through the testimony of their lives, of their marriage, of their family, and by them ⁓ sharing the gospel with others, Lord. So we love you and we thank you in Jesus’ name. Amen. Thank you so much for joining us on the third week of our 30-week marriage devotional series. And we pray that you would continue going through each one of these with us. If you have not yet got the husband after God and wife after God devotionals.

Please get those today at shop.marriageaftergod.com. You can even get them on Amazon. Either way, it blesses us and it also blesses your marriage. So get those devotionals, follow along. If this is your first episode, that’s fine. Go back to the first one. It’s like three episodes ago. And join in the beginning of this. And thank you so much. Look forward to having you on the next episode.