While there are many parts to a God-honoring marriage, one important factor is satisfying sexual intimacy that honors Him.
So how can the church support and encourage deep physical connection in marriage?
How can we wives support each other’s intimate lives?
1. Speak well of godly intimacy. All too often, wives speak ill of sex and the husbands who want it. Too many Christian women dismiss its significance in marriage, mock husbands who desire sex more frequently, mention using sex as a bartering tool (“If he wants sex, he has to clean the garage first”), or clam up about the subject entirely, as if sex itself is such a bad thing, it should not even be mentioned aloud.
Let’s change the tone to one of positivity and gratefulness that God has blessed our marriages with sexual intimacy. You need not share details of your sex life (in fact, please don’t), but communicate to other wives that you desire and enjoy sex with your husband, that God intended it for the pleasure of both spouses, that it adds to the intimacy of the whole relationship. Even volunteer that sex was God’s idea! “That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24).
2. Share sexual tips. You need not hang up your shingle and start a sexpert counseling practice, but be willing to share what has worked well for you. If a friend complains that she and her husband rarely make love, explain how scheduling sex every Sunday afternoon worked wonders for sexual frequency and satisfaction in your marriage. When a close friend shares her difficulty in reaching orgasm, describe sexual positions you’ve discovered that make orgasm more likely. If a woman entering menopause mentions new challenges she’s facing—and you’ve already been down that road—tell how you and your husband navigated it successfully. Help each other out. With specific tips.
This is the gentle and private coaching I suspect happened more often when we lived in extended families and clans, among the constant company of other women. We can continue to support one another’s marriages, however, through our family connections in Christ. “Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live… to teach what is good. Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children…” (Titus 2:3-4).
3. Know resources to recommend. Intimacy bloggers like me, as well as marriage counselors and pastors and others, hear such deep hurt in some marriages surrounding sex. Plenty of couples carry a heavy burden caused by emotional disconnect and personal pain regarding the marriage bed. They need more than a few specific tips. They need dig-deep help.
What resources could you recommend to a struggling wife? Perhaps there are blogs, books, counselors, ministries, workshops, conferences, or other ideas you can suggest. There are Christian answers for all kinds of problems that disrupt sexual intimacy in marriage – from porn addictions to absence of sex drive to relational conflict. If you’re unaware of quality resources, know whom to ask. Encourage a hurting wife not to ignore the problems, but approach and resolve them with godly counsel. “The way of fools seems right to them, but the wise listen to advice” (Proverbs 12:15).
Find ways to encourage and support other wives’ intimate lives. And look for others who support your own. Let’s strengthen Christian marriages in every area, including God’s gift of sexual intimacy.
You can start the conversation right now by leaving a comment that will encourage other wives in the area of sexual intimacy!