In January 2007, I said “I Do” in front of our closest family and friends. The commitment didn’t seem difficult at the time, I was head over heels in love, and we were both eager to fulfill our relationship having saved sex for marriage. Our excitement and anxiousness to get married fed our courage to say those two little words! After the party dissolved and we made our getaway, the reality of our responsibilities as husband and wife sank in, as well as the truth about sex!

The first four years of our marriage were wearisome, heartbreaking and even devastating. My husband and I were not fulfilled sexually, which amplified other areas of our marriage.

The act of intercourse was nearly impossible for me, as excruciating pain inflamed my lower regions. When I say we tried everything, we pretty much tried everything! We both had a desire to experience an amazing sex life in marriage, however, disappointment set in as time began passing us by and our situation did not progress. Hopelessness incurred daily, as our lack of intimacy forced us into isolation. We researched what we could on the Internet, I begged my doctor to give me bad news, and we even compromised boundaries during our pursuit. We knew that something was keeping us from experiencing sex, but we struggled to find even a clue.

Despite the doctors telling me I am as healthy as can be, pain inflamed my body during almost every sexual encounter. I began avoiding intimacy with my husband and eventually he stopped pursuing me, injured by the blow of my rejections. There were a handful of times over the course of 4 years that sex didn’t hurt as bad, but it was definitely far less than satisfying.

I didn’t want to talk about my issue too much with others. I had insecurities welling up inside that I was an inadequate wife, unable to please my husband. I also didn’t feel like there was enough trust within relationships to share such intimate details of our life. Although I felt as if I shouldn’t share with others the struggle we were facing, there were a few divine appointments that came up where my husband encouraged me to seek guidance, advice and prayer. I did find enough courage to briefly share with a few people, but it never served as a solution.

I was threatened by the thought of my marriage coming to an end because of our sexless marriage.

In the middle of 2010, God captured my heart. He pursued me and revealed Himself to me in ways that were very personal.

This is when God spoke to my heart through 2 Corinthians 3:16-18:

But whenever anyone turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away. Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.  And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.

I responded by turning my heart back toward the Lord and surrendering all of myself at the foot of His throne. He forced me to dig through my heart and take care of things that I had hidden away for years. He brought me through a process of transformation. It wasn’t an easy or quick process, but I am so thankful, because where I stand today is a much better place, both in my heart and in my marriage. (You can read my whole story in The Unveiled Wife: Embracing intimacy with God and your husband)

The biggest breakthrough my husband and I experienced happened in November of 2010. We firmly believe that God heard our cries to experience a fulfilling marriage and He responded in a miraculous way. He brought my husband’s attention to a facial cleanser I had been applying daily for nearly 8 years. After researching the ingredients in my face wash, we discovered that there were a handful of harmful chemicals in the product, including parabens. I immediately stopped using anything and everything that contained parabens and within 3 days I noticed a difference. Within a week, my husband and I experienced an easier time during intercourse and within a month we were able to enjoy sex, pain free!

We do not know enough about parabens to determine if they really were the root cause of my body’s discomfort, but the noticeable difference it made after I switched my products was enough to convince us (Click HERE to read what products I use now).  So if you are wondering if parabens might be affecting your body, please do some research for yourself about parabens so you can make your own conclusions.

Also, despite the change in my body, there was a ton of mental and emotional walls that I still faced when it came to sex.  After four years of associating sex with pain, I had some anxiety that hindered our ability to have satisfying sex every time we came together.  So, even if you decide to switch your products and notice a change, be aware of your mental and emotional state towards sex and understand that healing takes time.

I began this blog to share my journey as a wife, unveiled, uncovered and wide open, to purge my heart of the pain I have encountered…

AND to encourage other women in the world who are, have been, or will soon be wives. Marriage is an interesting and complicated relationship and no one should feel like they are going through it thinking they are the only ones with their problems. I want this to be a place where women can be encouraged on their journey of marriage.

 – Jennifer Smith

Unveiled Wife

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