Intimacy in marriage is an incredible gift.
Intimacy is the extreme closeness shared between a husband and wife. Intimacy is being completely known by your spouse and being completely loved by them.
When I think about intimacy, I think about a few things…
Close contact
Physical touch
Deep conversations
Vulnerability
Nakedness (physically, emotionally, mentally) everything laid bare
Eye contact
Desire for pleasure and a desire to pleasure
Making oneself known
Unconditional love
I also think of very specific moments of intimacy that I have experienced or seen, such as a romantically lit room with low lighting or candles, being bundled up together under a blanket, the sound of soft, sweet whispers being exchanged, and a closeness that doesn’t allow room for anyone or anything else to get in between.
Intimacy in marriage is a beautiful gift.
A husband and wife have the opportunity to experience special interactions and moments that can radically impact them. Intimacy in marriage is a reflection of unconditional love.
But there is something that is necessary in order to cultivate the atmosphere for intimacy to exist…
Truth telling.
That’s right. We need to be able to tell our spouse the truth if we want to experience true intimacy. If we hide from the truth, if we bury it in our hearts, then we can’t be fully known. And we may still experience romantic moments with our spouse, but you and I both know that there will also linger a sense of guilt or insecurity, or maybe just a physical resistance, because we know we are hiding the truth.
Everyone hides for different reasons. Maybe because of the pain of confronting it, the shame of confronting it, or the complexity surrounding it. We convince ourselves that hiding is better. But it is not.
I have found that true intimacy requires being transparent and honest and vulnerable. For true intimacy to thrive in a marriage, a husband and wife need to tell each other the truth about what is stirring in their hearts and minds. This is the process of making oneself known.
I understand there can be great fear in the risk of being known. I totally get it. But I also know the amazing freedom of being completely known. Amazing freedom. The kind of freedom that allows a person to embrace and engage in intimate moments, walls down, guard down, heart wide open. This is true intimacy.
Truth telling is a prerequisite for intimacy.
And it is in the moment of sharing the truth that you get a taste of intimacy.
Don’t hide from your spouse. Don’t let fear convince you to stuff whatever it is you are dealing with. Ask God to help you communicate truth and embrace true intimacy. Pray for your spouse and how they receive whatever it is that you make known. Be a truth teller.
