Above all LOVE each other deeply because love covers over a multitude of sins. – 1 Peter 4:8
This scripture is one I embrace daily. I have a firm grip on this, it is truly embedded in my heart and I will not ever let it go. 1 Peter 4:8 has transformed my life and my marriage. My life verse was revealed during the hardest season I have ever faced, not only was I losing my Dad to cancer but at the same time God revealed my precious Husband was secretly engaging in pornography. I was shocked, heart-broken, enraged and numb at the reality of my “Prince Charming” not being the man he had claimed to be and all I truly believed he was. 1 Peter 4:8 became highlighted, written down time and time again, meditated on and recited over and over. The season was a time when if it wasn’t for “Above all LOVE each other deeply because LOVE covers over a multitude of sins” my marriage and hope could have failed.
A few years ago I was woken in the middle of the night, no matter how much I tossed and turned I just could not fall back to sleep! I heard, “go downstairs and turn on the computer” I ignored what I heard and continued to try to sleep. I heard it again, looked over at my husband and it sure was not him speaking to me and ignored once more ~ after the third time I went down stairs. I had no idea why I was sitting at the computer, but I turned it on slowly and went through the motions of booting it up, waiting for the home screen and tah Dah there it was my computer was on and ready to do I didn’t know what. It was just past 2:30 am and I was the only person awake in the house. My husband was sleeping, our dogs were sleeping and all three of our children were sleeping over at their grandparents home.
As I began going through the computer I started to see things I never saw before. Things I had a hard time looking at, things that truly broke my heart and I began to cry. I saw pornography, pornography that was saved in a file associated with an email I did not know existed. The pictures were horrible, they were images of women naked in poses that I just don’t even want to share or think about. Immediately I knew… I knew my husband had been looking at porn.
Now let me share with you at this point in our life we were not walking with the Lord, we had fallen away from God & church after moving to a new city. We became distracted and instead of looking for a new church to get plugged in, have accountability and serve as a family, we were hanging out with friends who were not of good influence and we were extremely busy. I at the time was a stay at home wife & mother, but the majority of my time was helping to care for my nonbiological Dad who was in the middle of 2.5 year Colon Cancer and Kidney Cancer Battle. I was driving him to almost all of his doctors appointments, radiation treatments and chemotherapy. My husband was working full-time and under much stress, he also was taking on much of my responsibilities. He never complained once and always made sure the kids got to all of their extra curricular activities etc, but working full-time and having kids who were over scheduled and a wife that was in his mind “missing” was very hard.
Does this excuse this behavior ABSOLUTELY NOT!!! However, I wanted to make sure to expose how the enemy was able to get between us.
We got so BUSY and comfortable in our life without GOD the enemy had the perfect opportunity to jump in and almost destroy the beautiful marriage and family God has blessed us with!
Back to that night, I knew my husband was looking at pornography. I also knew he had an email address I was unaware of. It was then revealed that my husband was hiding things from me and he was lying. My husband was not this man! My husband did not do these things. I was in disbelief, very emotional and now becoming angry.
I was wrestling with GOD right in that moment. The Holy Spirit clearly woke me up and walked me through all the darkness my husband was hiding and brought it to light. He made me aware that our falling away and busy life that God had no part of (because we did not allow Him) was producing a life that was dark. I was thankful to God for revealing the truth, yet I was so angry I wanted to hurt my husband, hurt him bad!
I was so angry I marched up the stairs and started screaming at my husband who was sound asleep. I started pulling him off our bed and dragging him down the hallway. He was shocked and had no idea what was going on. He was scared and yet inside he knew I knew. Finally he stood up and said nothing. He barely made eye contact with me. I said let’s go, he just followed. We went downstairs to our den and I showed him everything the Lord showed me. I was in hysterics and screaming at HIM. He denied it at first. I knew he was lying, I know him to well ~ or as I like to say, better than he knows himself. But he would not confess. So immediately I heard, “ask him for his phone.” This time I was obedient ~ I said “give me your phone, NOW!” He gave me his phone as the Spirit worked through me and did all the work going through his blackberry at the time (which I had no clue how to work) it was confirmed. That email I did not know existed was in front of my eyes on my husbands cell phone.
I was still in hysterics and feeling horrible things I have never felt before in my life.
I was so sad and so angry-looking at even more images. I said, “Give me the password” and he did. I immediately went back on the computer and found more and more with his password. I saw things that make me sick to this day if I focus there, praise God for His gentle way of reminding me not to stay focused there and to renew my mind back on Him.
The next couple of days after that painful night I was able to see and hear clearly again. Yes, we were still very busy, our life had not changed at all as far as my nonbio Dad’s cancer battle and my help in that, the over scheduled kids extra curricular activities, homework, stressful work for my husband and pornography newly in our marriage. However, my focus was now by choice on the Lord. God clearly told me to give my husband a choice to get help and go with me to find a new church or continue in what (it turns out he was involved in for 6 months) he was doing with the pornography and secret emails without me and the kids. I gave him the freedom to choose and let go of trying to control him, as I would have done at that point in our life ~ I turned into a huge control freak. I immediately got back into the Word and reading many books about the Lord and His way for my life.
My life, meaning I was focused on being the best me I could be with GOD and did not focus on my husband. I could not, I had to let go and let God have all of my husband and all of me.
Praise Jesus, my partner chose to join me and we found a church right away. Because our kids were staying with their grandparents for that entire weekend ~ God’s timing is incredible ~ we were able to go together. Instead of searching through seven weekends of different church hunting as we planned,
God took us directly to the church He knew we could heal at and use our testimony at in time.
The story continues and there was much pain and joy involved, but today I wanted to be transparent with you and share why it’s so important to focus on the Lord and His Word. To truly know and understand His Word so you can call on it when in need or share it with others who are in need. We never imagined going through anything like that! We both came from divorced homes and shared from our first date we did not want that for our marriage or our children. This was not something we ever planned, it was however by choice we ended up there. We were not intentional in finding a new church, we were not intentional in studying God’s Word or praying together anymore either. Instead we became busy and distracted with life and “friends” who were not walking. We put ourselves in a very dangerous place, a place of lies and temptation, a place the enemy thrives. If you are in this place now I am warning you, it is dangerous! Please stop and pray, leave a comment if you feel tugged and lets talk! God wants you back!!!
Even when you fall away God is there, He loves us right where we are.
He is there to pick us up when we fall or make a bad choice. God’s love is unconditional and He taught me to love unconditionally through this sinful time of my husband’s existence. He taught me this through what is now my life verse. Immediately after all was exposed and I jumped back in the Word. God showed me this scripture:
ABOVE ALL LOVE EACH OTHER DEEPLY, BECAUSE LOVE COVERS OVER A MULTITUDE OF SINS. – 1 PETER 4:8
It was so clear what the Lord was showing me.
I had the choice to LOVE like Jesus, or the choice to Love how the world does.
To love unconditionally or to love based on works and expectations. I am a sinner, I think bad thoughts daily, I’m not balanced, I sometimes complain and I was obsessed with Matthew McConaughey ~ my husband was a sinner also. His sin appears to be worse because the world would say it is worse and to this day, I struggle with what I’m about to say… but his sin was not any worse than mine.
You see God does not measure our sins, He only sees sin.
My husband made horrible choices and none of them had to do with me, they were all him living out past hurts. He was tricked into trying to cope in awful ways with our reality. To become numb to the reality that his wife was absent, kids were busy, his job was stressful and he was about to lose a precious family member, plus still unknowingly living with hurts from his past. He believed he was able to numb himself in a secret dark place. A place the enemy had tempted him to, remember the enemy has been doing this for thousands of years ~ he knows exactly how to get each of us! The enemy tricked him into believing he was in control of that secret gross place that numbed him. He was not, God was in control the entire time. God already knew this was going to happen and because I chose to listen to the Spirit we were able to join forces and beat the enemy with the blood of Jesus!
During that battle I would meditate on 1 Peter 4:8 daily, sometimes hourly.
1 Peter 4:8 pulled me through, it was my medicine!
I was able to see my husband like myself which was not perfect, no matter how perfect I thought he was prior ~ God showed me the truth! Because I chose to love my husband I was able to forgive his sins, because that’s exactly what God promised! Love covers over a multitude of sins. The verse made me stronger, it made us stronger. Because of 1 Peter 4:8 we are now almost married for 17 years! I share this verse often, and I am now sharing it with you ~ write it down and attach it to your heart!
Above all LOVE each other deeply, because LOVE covers over a multitude of Sins. – 1 Peter 4:8
My husband is currently Porn Free, Praise Jesus and has been for years in case you were wondering. Because he made the choice to follow God again, he is blessed to help men know the dangers in pop up ads, internet without filters, tv/movies, going to the mall, “a glimpse” and living life as a pure man bouncing his eyes from temptation. God uses my husband to walk men through immorality and heal from it. God now uses what we once said was “our testimony” for His Kingdom!
Is it fun to bring this all up again? Ummm NO! Is it something I want people to possibly judge us for? Ummm no, because that’s sinful and I do not want to do that to anyone. However, this testimony is not for us to keep hidden, it is for God to use. Our “history” is now “HIStory.” My friend Jen who is also known as “the Unveiled Wife” asked me to write on my life verse, so I did. That is God giving me a choice through her and I have learned to never say no to God! You see this was never our testimony, it is only ours if we don’t give it to God. But we have given it to God and now it is God’s testimony to share with all who hear it.
