He walks in the room loudly when I just put the baby down.
Really??!
He walks by and steps on my toe.
Really??!
We are going to leave a friend’s house and just when we get our hands full, say good-bye, and juggle holding the baby, he remembers he has to go to the bathroom.
Really??!
He puts orange peelings in the kitchen sink without a garbage disposal and leaves them there.
Really??!
When we are running late and he has to do one more thing…real quick.
Really??!
Seriously??!
Are you kidding me?
Ugh!?!
Wow!??
Yeah, right!?
Moron, idiot, stupid…
Well we don’t always use those last ones, but sometimes they do slip out along with our attitude. Sometimes we don’t say anything at all and merely look at them with raised eyebrows and a crinkle that threatens to stick forever.
When we convey this message of disapproval to our husbands, when we choose to say Really??! or a version of that, what we are saying is… you are an “___________” (fill in with a bad name). Somewhere we have learned that saying really or seriously is more acceptable than name calling, but it is not. We must take a look at the impact we are making and how our husbands receive our words.
They hear the following through our tone and body language – despite what we actually say:
You are a fool
incapable
incompetent
inadequate
inept
clumsy
weak
not manly
moron, idiot, stupid
You are less than…
Can you imagine the heartache they must feel as we pierce them with our condescending words.
When my husband does something outside of what I expect or desire…something I think is not so good, something that inconveniences me, or maybe accidentally hurts me… I say “really?!!” with a condemning tone. I need to stop doing this.
When I react to a situation with my husband in this way, I am disrespecting him.
God unveiled this to me recently and I am adamant about changing my ways! I am also sharing this with you so you can evaluate your life and how you operate as a wife.
And we cannot look at this situation and say: “Then what can we say instead of the listed words above?” I would kindly ask you to look at the root problem here. It is not that we are in need of another word that is more acceptable, because regardless, the meaning behind our reaction remains constant. We need to change our heart and motivation towards responding to our husbands.
We need to allow them the room to not meet our expectations, to do things their way, to inconvenience us, and even to accidentally hurt us. Why? Because they are not perfect and neither are we. We will do these things to them just as they will be done to us. All I am addressing is that we need to control our reaction when things like this happen. We can still approach our husbands with dignity and respect, communicating to them any issues we have, explaining how they hurt us, or strategies to improve certain circumstances…but this can all be done without the condemning words we have been use to using.
What do you think?
