How To Properly Use The 5 Love Languages

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“Love Language” – each of us have at least one. If you have never heard of the 5 Love Languages, I highly recommend that you and your spouse go take the quiz at 5lovelanguages.com I promise it will strengthen your marriage IF you actually use the results for the benefit of your marriage.

As years go by, some spouses stop caring about one another’s love language and they just become content in the marriage. Or some marriages think that they are fulfilling their spouses love language only to find out they are failing at it.

I have listed the 5 Love Languages below and have included a description of how some content marriages have wrongly used them.

If you start feeling convicted at any time, just know that it isn’t too late to change. Make a pact to healthily use these love languages to get the most joy from your marriage. Husbands: using these love languages is the definition of pursuing your wife!

  1. Words Of Affirmation:
    What it is: This person feels the most loved when they are affirmed. Proverbs 18:21 says, “Words have the power of life and death, those who love it will eat of its fruit.” Have you ever heard the phrase “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can’t hurt me?” well that is absolute garbage. Your words can either make someone feel horrible or they can be the reason someone succeeds at a goal. You can put this into action in your marriage by simply telling your spouse that dinner was amazing, by letting her know she’s the best at what she does, whether it be: watching the kids, reaching goals at work, etc.

    What it is not:
    I will state the obvious first: it isn’t telling your wife that she sucks. At times, NOT affirming your wife is the same, to her, as blatantly saying “you aren’t very good.” Affirmation also has A LOT to do with the tone of your voice. The words and tone have the same importance. You can say, “this was great” in a monotone voice and she will not believe that statement at all. When speaking words of affirmation, make sure your tone is happy and excited.
  2. Acts Of Service
    What it is: These people believe that actions speak louder than words. For the most part, women don’t need a weekend getaway at the Ritz for this love language to be fulfilled. It’s as easy as… ready for this? Taking out the garbage, washing the dishes, making her dinner. If her love language is acts of service, do any of the above (or all!) and see how she reacts. It will be in your best interest to take out the garbage, and you will most likely be rewarded.

    What it is not:
    It may be easy to be lazy with this love language. Cleaning up after your mess is not AOS, it’s just not being lazy and expecting your wife to clean up your mess. It isn’t doing something of which you did not have to go out of your way to do! That is the best say to summarize what AOS is not.
  3. Receiving Gifts
    What it is: Receiving a gift is what makes this person feel loved. Don’t get worried if this is your wife’s language, you should actually be excited. You know that desk if you’ve been wanting to build? Or the bathtub tray she’s been wanting? Go ahead and build them! She will cherish it forever. That wedding ring on her finger is probably her most favorite thing in the world, you should be happy about that.

    What it is not:
    This language does not mean you have to break the bank. You don’t have to spend hundreds of dollars to fulfill her love language. If you have to, ask her what types of gifts will make her feel loved.
  4. Quality Time
    What it is: This person wants your undivided attention. Every person definitely has this need. I don’t know of a person who doesn’t! When you’re with your wife, put your phone on airplane mode and just talk. Maybe go for a walk. Do something where it is just the two of you!

    What it is not:
    Hanging out at dinner with your phones on the table. I OFTEN see this in restaurants and it really bothers me. I used to think it was awesome to have a television show that my wife and I watch together, but this doesn’t do any good for your marriage. It may not do anything bad, but it doesn’t do anything good. Watching Netflix before bed is not strengthening your marriage. It’s as if that television show is just third wheeling in your marriage. Turn off the television show and have a conversation. Ask her how her day was. Ask her questions! When was the last time you did that? And I don’t mean asking what’s for dinner tomorrow.
  5. Physical Touch
    What it is: This person loves being touched. If you giggled at that, you may be too young to be reading this blog. I will admit that I am not the best at this and it does make me feel awkward. My wife is definitely the physical touch type and I have to learn how to fulfill that need. The person whose language is physical touch may love the fact that you reached out for their hand while in public or just in the bedroom. Give them a back massage or simply put your hand on their leg while in the car. Or simply give them a hug!

    What it is not:
    Men, this does not mean that all she wants is sex. There are other ways of fulfilling this. It also isn’t tickling someone. Tickles are annoying.

Do you have anything else to add to this post? If you have learned anything from this, please share it with someone who can also benefit from it.

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