How Answering Two Questions Could Save Your Marriage

She was working quietly in her room putting her princess dress on, complete with the shoes and tiara. She knew daddy would be home soon. She was standing there in her innocent beauty, when he walked through the door. As soon as she saw him, she said, “Look at me daddy!”
Any man that has a daughter has seen something like this. If our minds and priorities are in the right place, the situation melts our hearts. If not, we will blow it off with a quick “you look great princess.”
It continues to happen as she gets older. When she learns to ride her bike, learns to swim, learns a new dance, she says, “Look at me daddy!”.
During her teenage years, she continues to say the same thing, but she does it nonverbally. When she puts the dress on for the school dance, when she puts on too much makeup, when she wears something too revealing or too attention seeking she’s saying the same thing. But, this time she’s saying it to people other than daddy too.
When she finds that special someone to take daddy’s place, one of the first things she does is stand at the end of the aisle and say, “Look at me husband.”

The Two Questions

Those statements she made were never statements. They were always questions. They were always the same two questions every woman asks from the time she’s a small girl until the day she dies. As a daughter, she was asking them. As your girlfriend, she was asking them. And, as your wife she’s asking them.

  1. Do you see me?
  2. Do you delight in me?

Those two questions are rooted deep into your wife’s identity. If you see her and if you delight in her, she feels important, needed, wanted. Getting these questions answered by her husband are not only of huge importance to her, but to your marriage.
As a husband, there is no better way to tell your wife that you love her than to answer these questions for her, to do it often, and to answer with a resounding yes.
Of course, you’re never going to hear her literally ask the questions. She wants you to notice her. She doesn’t want to have to tell you to notice her. But just because you don’t hear her literally asking the questions doesn’t mean she’s not asking them.
She’s asking them when she puts on something nice for a date night with you. She’s asking them when she spends time doing things you like. She asks them when she cooks your favorite meal. She asks them when she takes care of the house, laundry, bills, kids, etc…
Do you realize that just about everything she does, she does for you? And, in everything she does, she just wants you to answer those questions.

The Answers

It’s as simple as saying things like:

    • “I love it when you spend time watching football with me.”
    • “I really appreciate it when you make this meal for me.”
    • “You look beautiful in that dress.” or “When you’re by my side, I feel like a million bucks.”
    • “It feels great when you rub my head.”
    • “I love to hear you sing.”
    • “You’re such a good mother to our children.”

If you’ve heard of The Five Love Languages and you know that if your wife’s love language is Words of Affirmation, answering these questions verbally is even more critical. But, you should answer the questions even if your wife has another love language too.
Gifts – Buy her something and tell her it’s because you’re thankful she’s your wife.
Acts of Service – Do something nice for her and tell her you know how much she does for you so you wanted to show a little bit of your appreciation.
Physical Touch – Give her a massage and tell her you’re doing it because you appreciate everything she does for you.
Quality Time – Schedule some time together and tell her it’s because you want her to know that you’re thankful for her.
A little bit of effort can go a long way toward letting your wife know you love her. Do it. Say it. Show it. Let her know she’s special. Let her know she’s the one.
Let her know you see her. Let her know you delight in her.

newheadshot1About Troy Mason
I write with, my wife Taryn, at IntentionallyRefined.com where we encourage you to be Better Today Than Yesterday and Better Tomorrow Than Today. Isn’t that what it’s all about? The better you are as an individual, the better your marriage will be. The better you are as an individual, the better your relationships will be. The better you are as an individual, the better your contribution to the world will be. Intentionally Refined is a website dedicated to inspiring and encouraging you to become a better you, create a better marriage, develop better relationships, and more. This blog is inspired by a strong desire to impact people in a positive way. It is about helping you become Intentionally Refined
Twitter: @IntRefined
Facebook: facebook.com/intentionallyrefined

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