Sex according to God’s design includes great physical pleasure, but also involves your emotions and your soul. You connect deeply and intimately with your husband as you share something unique to your relationship: the sexual joining of your bodies that represents and nurtures your covenant love.
But perhaps you and your husband aren’t feeling that deep connection. Here are three quick tips for more intimate lovemaking in your marriage:
1. Explore how you like to be touched. Your body did not come with an instruction manual on your wedding night. Your husband also does not have an innate sense of where and how you like to be touched. While almost all women will like certain things (for example, light stroking of her body), there is plenty of variation in what we enjoy. I think this is a gift from God — our unique differences — because it ensures that we must connect specifically and intentionally to our own spouse to have the best physical intimacy.
Take time to learn one another’s bodies. Let him explore your body, and respond to what feels good. Help him to grow in his knowledge of your naked beauty, so that maybe one day he could write that instruction manual. Such intimate knowledge of one another becomes a special, private connection that God has blessed you with.
2. Communicate. It’s easy to get caught up in oohs and aahs — assuming you make noise at all in the bedroom. It can feel more awkward to converse during sex. However, communicating can increase your sense of closeness as you say your husband’s name, let him know that you desire him or that he arouses you, compliment his body and his potency. Our words should always build others up (Ephesians 4:29; 1 Thessalonians 5:11). A wife can take that principle into the bedroom and build her husband up during their sexual encounters.
Of course, there may be some moments when your pleasure is so intense that you can barely put two words together. If that’s the case, good for you. I’m pretty sure your husband will receive the message.
3. Stretch out the experience. Allow plenty of opportunity for you both to explore, touch, and stimulate one another. If you have the time, take the time. You can stretch out your lovemaking by getting close to the peak and then slowing the action down for a bit, returning to teasing and stroking to let the pleasure wave subside a little before climbing back up.
Lovemaking is not merely about the exciting climax that you hope to reach, but the connection you two build as you engage one another physically and become one. Take pleasure not merely in the act of intercourse, but the variety of sensations you can experience together when you take your time and revel in one another’s bodies. After all, God knit you together Himself (Psalm 139:13), and there is much for your lover to delight in (Song of Songs 7:6).
Not every sexual encounter must feel like the heavens opened and angels trumpeted. Indeed, I’m a big believer in what I’ve termed “maintenance sex” and the “quickie.” But our marriages benefit from interspersing those pleasurable moments with richer, deeper sexual intimacy. Give these tips a try and enjoy the gift of sexuality from our benevolent Father.
