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As husbands and wives, conflict in marriage is something we all face. Two imperfect people, living under the same roof—friction is bound to occur. But the question we want to ask is this:
Are you fighting the right battle—or the wrong one?
Scripture reminds us plainly:
“For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness…” (Ephesians 6:12)
When we see our spouse as the enemy, we’ve already lost. Even if you “win” the argument, the relationship still suffers.
The Real Source of Conflict in Marriage
The reason conflict exists—both in marriage and in the world—is explained in Galatians 5:17:
“For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh.”
Every day, we experience a spiritual tug-of-war. Our flesh wants comfort, control, and self-protection. The Spirit calls us to humility, unity, and sacrificial love. When we give in to the flesh, strife follows—especially in marriage.
That’s why we must ask ourselves:
- Am I fighting for my marriage—or against my spouse?
- Am I operating in pride—or walking in the Spirit?
Recognizing the Enemy’s Tactics
The enemy’s schemes show up in marriage in very familiar ways:
- Deception & lies – believing half-truths like “If they really loved me, they wouldn’t…”
- Accusation – both toward our spouse and toward ourselves
“The accuser of our brothers… accuses them day and night.” (Revelation 12:10) - Temptation – exploiting the desires already present in our flesh
“Each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire.” (James 1:14)
When we recognize these patterns, we can stop fighting each other and start fighting together.
Fighting With Your Spouse, Not Against Them
In Husband After God, we wrote:
“Fight alongside your wife, never against her.”
Marriage is meant to be a partnership in the good fight of faith (2 Timothy 4:7). That means:
- Putting on the armor of God
- Choosing humility over pride
- Being eager to maintain unity and peace (Ephesians 4:3)
As Gary Chapman says, “No one wins in a fight. Even if you win the argument, you still lose at the relationship.”
A Christlike Posture Changes Everything
Our posture—both physical and spiritual—reveals our heart. Eye-rolling, crossed arms, harsh words, or withdrawal all communicate opposition. But Christ modeled a better way.
“When He was reviled, He did not revile in return.” (1 Peter 2:23)
When we reflect Christ’s posture—humble, secure, self-giving—it transforms conflict into connection.
So, What Are You Fighting For?
A marriage after God is one that keeps Him at the center, walks humbly, and refuses to believe the lie that your spouse is the enemy.
Fight for unity.
Fight for peace.
Fight the good fight—together.
And remember: your spouse is not the enemy—but you do have one.
Episode Summary
Episode Overview
In this episode of the Marriage After God Podcast, we talk honestly about conflict in marriage and challenge couples to ask a crucial question: Are we fighting the right battle—or the wrong one? Drawing from Scripture and our own marriage, we explore why conflict happens, who the real enemy is, and how shifting our posture can transform the way we fight.
This conversation reminds us that marriage isn’t about winning arguments—it’s about fighting together for unity, peace, and God’s purposes.
Key Scriptures Referenced
Ephesians 6:12–13
Galatians 5:17
Revelation 12:10
1 Thessalonians 3:5
Ephesians 4:3
Proverbs 13:10
Proverbs 17:14
Proverbs 21:23
James 1:19
Matthew 26:6–13
1 Peter 2:21–23
2 Timothy 4:7
Main Topics Covered
1. Why Fighting Happens in Marriage
Conflict is common when two sinful people are becoming one
Fighting isn’t the goal, but it is often a reality
The real issue isn’t disagreement—it’s how and why we fight
2. Identifying the Real Enemy
We do not wrestle against flesh and blood
Your spouse is not your enemy
The real battle is spiritual, involving:
The flesh
The world
The enemy of our souls
3. The Spiritual Tug-of-War Inside Us
Flesh vs. Spirit (Galatians 5:17)
Why selfishness and pride fuel marital conflict
How spiritual awareness changes our responses
4. The Enemy’s Tactics in Marriage
Deception & lies – twisted thoughts and half-truths
Accusation – toward your spouse and yourself
Temptation – exploiting existing desires and weaknesses
How these tactics create division if left unchecked
5. Fighting the Good Fight Together
Why unity matters more than being right
The danger of pride, insolence, and contempt
Biblical wisdom on humility and teachability
6. The Importance of Posture in Conflict
How body language reveals heart posture
Negative posture vs. Christlike humility
The powerful example of sacrificial worship and surrender
7. Practical Ways to Fight Better in Marriage
Stop conflict before it escalates
Be slow to speak and quick to listen
Guard your words and your tone
Pray together—even when it feels hard
Remind each other: “We’re on the same team”
Choose the right timing for hard conversations
Identify root issues instead of piling on past offenses
8. Following Christ’s Example
Jesus’ humility and restraint in suffering
Trusting God to judge justly
Choosing love, patience, and self-control over retaliation
9. What Are You Fighting For?
Fighting for unity and peace
Fighting for God’s will in your marriage
Finishing well together in faith
Discussion & Reflection Questions
Where do you see your flesh and spirit at odds most often?
In what areas are you currently fighting the good fight of faith?
How would reflecting Christ’s posture change your marriage?
Key Takeaway
Marriage after God isn’t about avoiding conflict—it’s about recognizing the real enemy and fighting together in faith. When God is at the center, even conflict can become a tool for growth, unity, and deeper love.
