When we open Scripture and talk about marriage, we want to start where God starts.
This week, we went straight to Ephesians 5:22–33 — one of the most well-known (and sometimes challenging) passages about biblical roles in marriage.
But here’s what we’ve learned after years of marriage:
God’s design isn’t restrictive.
It’s protective.
It’s not about control.
It’s about Christlike love.
Marriage was always meant to reflect something bigger — Christ and His Church.
And when we walk in our God-given roles, something beautiful happens.
What God Calls Husbands to Do
Scripture says:
“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”
That kind of love isn’t just a feeling — it’s action.
It’s often a sacrifice. And it’s a choice.
We’re reminded in 1 Corinthians 13:4–7 that love is:
- Patient and kind
- Not irritable or resentful
- Not self-seeking
- Forgiving
- Persevering
- Never failing
So for husbands, love looks like:
- Putting her needs before our own
- Protecting her emotionally and spiritually
- Listening well
- Serving her practically
- Choosing tenderness even when we’re tired
Jesus didn’t wait for us to deserve love — He loved first.
That’s our model.
What God Calls Wives to Do
And wives are called to something just as powerful.
“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.”
Submission isn’t weakness.
It’s trust.
It’s a posture of the heart that says, we trust God’s design.
We see the perfect example in Christ Himself. In the garden He prayed, “Not my will, but yours be done” (Luke 22:42). Even in agony, He yielded to the Father.
Submission looks like:
- Respectful communication
- Supporting leadership
- Trusting God with outcomes
- Choosing unity over control
- Letting your conduct speak louder than criticism
1 Peter 3 reminds us that a gentle, respectful spirit can deeply impact a husband’s heart.
That’s strength, not passivity.
When We Both Walk in Our Roles
Here’s what we’ve noticed:
When husbands love sacrificially
and wives respect and trust…
Marriage changes.
We experience:
- Security – we feel safe with each other
- Less conflict – fewer power struggles
- Deeper intimacy – emotional and physical closeness grows
It stops feeling like competition and starts feeling like teamwork, as it should.We don’t do this perfectly. We fail daily. That’s why we need the Holy Spirit.
But when we choose obedience — even when it’s inconvenient — our marriage begins to preach the gospel without saying a word.
A husband loving like Christ.
A wife trusting like the Church.
That’s God’s design.
And it’s better than anything we could come up with on our own.
Episode Summary
Episode Focus
Understanding God’s biblical design for marriage through love, respect, and submission, and how husbands and wives can reflect Christ and the Church in everyday life.
Main Message
Marriage isn’t about power or control — it’s about reflecting the gospel.
When husbands love like Christ and wives trust and respect their husbands, marriage becomes a picture of Christ and His Church, bringing deeper intimacy, security, and unity.
Scripture Foundation
- Ephesians 5:22–33 — Husbands love, wives submit
- 1 Corinthians 13:4–7 — Biblical definition of love
- 1 John 4:7–12 — Love comes from God
- Luke 22:42–44 — Christ’s example of submission
- 1 Peter 3:1–2 — The power of respectful conduct
Episode Breakdown
1. Why Biblical Roles Matter in Marriage
- Marriage reflects a greater spiritual reality
- God is a God of order, not chaos
- Roles create clarity, not inequality
- Love and submission are not optional — they’re obedience to God
2. A Husband’s Role: Love Like Christ
What biblical love really means
- Not emotion-based
- Action and sacrifice
- Intentional and selfless
Love looks like:
- Patience and kindness
- Serving her needs first
- Forgiveness and grace
- Protecting her heart
- Initiating connection and intimacy
- Leading spiritually
Practical examples:
- Help with responsibilities
- Encourage her insecurities
- Listen well
- Give her rest and margin
- Write notes / speak affirmation
3. A Wife’s Role: Respect & Submit
What submission is (and isn’t)
- NOT weakness or silence
- NOT submitting to all men
- NOT losing your voice
- IS trust in God’s design
- IS a posture of the heart
- IS supporting leadership
Submission looks like:
- Respectful communication
- Yielding to decisions
- Trusting God with outcomes
- Encouraging leadership
- Avoiding control or criticism
Practical examples:
- Support family decisions
- Speak with respect
- Pray for him regularly
- Affirm his leadership
4. The Heart Check for Both Spouses
- Focus on your role — not your spouse’s
- Don’t weaponize Scripture against each other
- Don’t make obedience conditional (“if they…, then I…”)
- Go to God first when struggling
5. Three Benefits of Living This Out
Security
Feeling safe, known, and protected
Less Conflict
Fewer power struggles, more teamwork
Deeper Intimacy
Greater emotional, spiritual, and physical closeness
6. Practical Marriage Challenge
- Read Ephesians 5 together
- Ask: “How can I grow in my role?”
- Share specific ways to love/respect each other better
- Pray together for help and humility
Key Takeaways
- Love is a choice, not a feeling
- Submission is strength, not weakness
- Marriage displays the gospel
- Roles reduce conflict and increase unity
- Obedience to God leads to intimacy