A while back I had a contributor on my blog who shared an interview she had with her husband on sex. This article still gets a ton of traffic. This topic seemed to resonate with many people, so I felt inspired to conduct my own interview with my husband about sex to see how he would answer these questions.
For this interview I used some of the same questions used in the article I mentioned before, which you can read HERE: An Interview With My Husband On Sex: His Answers Will Surprise You. I also went ahead and added some of my own questions to my interview.
I want to encourage you to experience this kind of interview with your husband! It is so interesting to hear their answers. You can use these same questions or you can make up your own!
I went ahead and added a printable for you of a few questions you can use as a guide for your interview, ( The-Interview ) but please add your own questions to it too!
Jumping into this interview with my husband, I was a little nervous. I wanted to know the answers to these questions, because I want to know my husband better and value how he feels. On the flip side, I was a little anxious to hear the answers to these too.
Would he say something I don’t want to hear? Will this make me feel like I need to do more? Will he admit he is unsatisfied?
Although my mind raced with all kinds of thoughts, I realized that no matter how he answered, we are married and we both have needs. Instead of fearing where my husband is at, I want to know exactly so I can make changes if I need to, or maybe hear that we are in a good place and be affirmed. Instead of avoiding this area of intimacy, I wanted to dive in and be honest with each other about it.
Before this interview took place, my husband and I have had a few conversations about our sex life that I want to share with you. The first being that more than anything else, my husband just wants me to want him. He wants me to take time to initiate and show him that I desire physical intimacy with him. Also, a goal we established in this new year is going into a new season of our sex life. We have experienced different seasons of sex in our marriage including no sex at all, painful sex, anxieties over sex, being healed and enjoying sex, sex postpartum, and now. We both agreed that we want to experience a new fresh season of sexual intimacy in our marriage.
Sex is something we desire to use to get closer together, to strengthen each other and the bond we have, to be physically one.
My Interview With My Husband About Sex!
Me: Remember that blog I posted a while ago by a contributor, the interview about sex?
My Husband: Yes. Why?
Me: I thought it would be interesting to take those same questions and see how you would answer them.
My Husband: Right now? I wasn’t ready for that.
Me: Well, are you up for it?
My Husband: Sure.
Me: When specifically, and how much do you prefer to have sex?
My Husband: Whenever we can and as often as we can. Because we have kids, just finding the time and space for it.
Me: Do you enjoy foreplay?
My Husband: Yes.
Me: Do you enjoy me wearing something sexy or do you not care?
My Husband: Maybe occasionally, but it is not necessary.
Me: What about sex makes sex more than just a physical act for you?
My Husband: That we get to be close and alone, and that our goal is to make each other feel good.
Me: What do you desire most from me when it comes to sex?
My Husband: For you to be fully present and fully involved. Not just interested in getting it out of the way or “taking care of me” but that you enjoy it with me.
Me: Do you enjoy sex now as much as you did when we were first married?
My Husband: More. *little laugh* We didn’t have it much when we were first married. (You can read that story here!)
**Here are the questions I added…
Me: Do you have any fears about sex or about our sex life?
My Husband: Just you not desiring sex or craving it or enjoying it as much as I do. That you are not sharing in it like I do.
Me: Do you have any insecurities about sex or about your body?
My Husband: Not really.
Me: How do you feel about being intimate with me while I am pregnant?
My Husband: I enjoy it. I think you look cute while you are pregnant.
(That answer made me smile with a little blush!)
Okay he continued…
My Husband: The last month of your pregnancy is harder because you are more uncomfortable, and I understand that.
Me: How has having kids changed when, where, and how often we have sex?
My Husband: We have to be more intentional when we go to bed when the kids go to bed. I feel like we had Eliott that first year we were able to have sex, so it kind of seems like we have always had kids.
Me: Do you ever get worried about having sex because it could lead to us having more kids?
My Husband: I use to, but not anymore.
Me: Why?
My Husband: I just don’t mind. If God wants us to have more kids, I’m okay with that. It’s freeing not worrying about it.
(If you are at all curious, I feel the same! Not worrying about getting pregnant definitely frees my mind to embrace sex a lot more!)
Me: How do you feel about my body after me having kids?
My Husband: Um… two things. First, I don’t think about it. Two…(slight pause considering how to phrase this with gentleness)…But I have thought it would be great if you did get back into shape within reason, especially because I know that is a desire you have, we have talked about being strong and healthy before. But there has never been a thought that you were unattractive. What I do know, is the time you do put attention toward physical health you are more confident and more excited to be intimate. As if you don’t have self esteem issues. I don’t know if that makes sense. I don’t put much thought into it, but I do think you would benefit from working out.
Me: Is there anything you would want to change about our sex life?
My Husband: Just stuff I have already talked to you about. Making sex a priority in our marriage and protecting our time at night. Having it at the forefront of our minds. Making it part of our routine.
Me: Anything else you want to mention?
My Husband: I think my number one thing is that I pray about your perspective and desire for sex.
*End Interview* Well that is all that I am going to share anyways! The conversation went on a bit longer but I will spare you the details. I hope that this interview encourages you in this area of your marriage. Perhaps it has given you insight, revealed you are not alone in some of the ways couples struggle with intimacy, or maybe it gave you the courage to have this conversation with your spouse.