The other night my hubby and I had one of the biggest arguments yet…and it all began with a t.v. show. On the flip side, we have made it a hard and fast rule in our marriage that we will not let the sun go down on our anger. We stayed up until two in the morning working through our disagreement.
Did we end up on the same page per se?
No, but we did go to bed having forgiven one another and had a restful and peaceful nights sleep. Honestly speaking, staying up until two in the morning wasn’t the most effective method for resolving conflict and neither of us “won” so it was slightly unproductive. Obviously the point of resolving conflict is not so that somebody “wins.” In fact, it’s quite to be the opposite, i.e., lay down your life for the other, and humility yields the right to be right. Had I submitted to such wisdom the argument would have never happened.
The next day I was quite bothered by the whole thing – not by my husband – but simply by what happened. So I went to the woman, Candi, that everybody goes to on our logistical base with their problems (I live in a community of at least 30 men and women in Livingstone, Zambia and we are all missionaries). Candi, in her mid-fifties, has been through it ALL! She doesn’t sugar coat anything and yet she is so gentle with her words. So one of the main things I was bothered by was something that Ciaran said, “Jamie maybe the Holy Spirit will tell me you shouldn’t watch that t.v. show and how are you going to react if that happens?”
Dialogue continued:
Me: “Why in the world would the Holy Spirit tell you first that I shouldn’t watch a t.v. show and not tell me first?!”
Ciaran: “He works like that.”
Me: “He does not! I am listening to Him and He didn’t say anything about not watching the t.v. show!”
Hahahahaha, I feel so absolutely foolish now. When I told wonderful Candi about this discussion between me and Ciaran she laughed. Of course the Holy Spirit will tell my husband something before He tells me…. He will tell my husband things like, “she shouldn’t say that” or “she shouldn’t watch that,” of course those are kind of trivial examples, but you get my drift! The Holy Spirit can and will use my husband to refine me!
How could I be so ignorant?
Moral of the story, be conscious of the fact that the Holy Spirit can speak through your husband to protect you and guide you as a wife.
I am grateful that I live in community. I have access to the wisdom of so many people that will gladly help me and tell me the truth whenever it is needed. I hope that the wisdom I gleaned from this experience will help some of you in the Unveiled Wife Community!